The Only One

The roaring of the engine died down as he turned the ignition off and pulled the handbrake. He looked outside the heavily tinted windows, then checked on the address written down on the invitation card. He let his hands run through the gold embossed writings, The Only One, it said.

Hyunjoong thought it was absurd to accept the invitation, but there were things in life he did not understand. The invitation came on a lovely Spring day. The leaves just started to turn green again and the fresh morning dew left traces of little rainbow like patterns on the brown tree barks. The morning air had never seemed so fresh. He felt reinvigorated, but he could not afford to smile because he did not feel he had a reason to do so.

Kyujong looked like a scared little boy as he handed the white glossy envelope.

“You should go”, he said after clearing his throat. “Junjin Hyung wants you to.”

For days now, he had to fight an inner battle all because of the invitation. But just like the day she invited him over at the Old Spaghetti Restaurant near their first We Got Married house, he found himself behind the wheel, driving. It was like the unexplained attraction and pull between the earth and the moon. It seemed like there was gravity between him and her, between him and the glossy pearl white invitation card.

He noticed an familiar old woman going inside the wooden entrance of the rather shabby, uninviting building. He quickly went out of his car and walked after her.

“Oh, ahjumma..”, he had been right. It was her. The old lady from the Spaghetti Restaurant. He has not seen her in awhile, but he could still recognize her.

She turned around, “Omo! Hyunjoongah... It's about time you came.”

She quickly took his arm and led him inside. It was far different inside the building. The beauty and elegance of the place was astounding. It was pearl white and gold at the reception area. He looked at the invitation card he had been holding.

“Annyeong Ahjumma!”, an African teenaged boy smiled warmly. “Annyeong Ahjussi”

“Annyeong John”, the old woman responded. “Oh by the way, this is Kim Hyunjoong..”, she introduced him to the teenager.

The smile on the boy's face disappeared, his face studied Hyunjoong's features, “Is it really him, Ahjumma?”

The old woman nodded.

The boy looked away. Hyunjoong thought he saw tears in his eyes. John walked away from the reception area.

Hyunjoong looked at the old woman, his eyes seemed to ask why.

The Ahjumma took him by the arm again, “Never mind John. He probably just misses her.”

'Misses who?', he wanted to ask, but she kept on talking and lead him to a small door.

“What's this?”, he asked.

“Go, take a look for yourself.. I'll wait for you on the other end”, he nudged him inside.

He looked around, awed at the number of black and white photographs on the wall. He let his eyes scan through them, some were of celebrities, others just ordinary people, there were pictures of beautiful scenery, but in the midst of them all was a lone colored photo. It was a picture of him sitting inside a restaurant glancing over his phone. A note was scribbled on the upper right side corner. 'The only one', it said.

He slowly walked through the halls. The walls were painted dark orange. There were black and white photos of more people.

Omma, one picture of an old woman with fine lines on her beautiful face smiling brightly at the camera. Beside it was an older picture of the same woman holding a baby in her arms at what seemed to be a hospital bed.

Appa, was written under another picture of a man with fierce, intense eyes. It was pure contradiction to the smaller picture beside it. It was of the same man holding a lass in his arms, they were both laughing.

The next one was labeled, My Oppa. There was a man outside a store, pushing a cart. Beside it was a man in military uniform, hugging a lady, holding him tightly in his arms.

Hyunjoong walked on, this time the walls were painted fresh spring green.

The first one was of Shinhwa, in a small cafe. Eric, Junjin, Andy, Hyesung, Minwoo and Dongwan crowded a small table, three hamming it up for the camera and the rest chatting.

Amigas, the next one said. He recognized Jeewon and Boram with the rest of the original Infinity Girls.

The third one was labeled, Sisters, with the members of Chakra striking a funny pose.

The next one was called Compassion, it was a portrait of a stage performance with a band and dancers.

Idol and Friends, the next one read. There various pictures of Singers, Actors and Actresses.

There was a picture of Youngsaeng, Jungmin, Baby and Kyujong entitled, Young Masters.

At the end of the hall was a wall painted in pearl white. The pictures were colored, he could tell from afar.

Soon, he was face to face with a blown up picture of himself lying on a white love seat, with a gentle smile on his face. Kim Hyunjoong, was written below the frame.

He remembered when this was taken. She invited him over days after meeting at the Spaghetti Restaurant. She said she will cook for him and would not take no for answer. They were laughing while playing Go-stop in her living room. Hyunjoong lost three times in a row and he was getting tired of being smacked in the head, so he stood up and pretended to be hurt. When she started apologizing and fuzzing over him, he smiled gently at her. She took her camera and asked him to smile. That was the time he asked her if she would go out on a date with him.

He strolled over to the next picture entitled, Shillang. It was a picture of him walking into a restaurant. Their first date, he recalled. It was taken over a year ago. She had worn a simple knitted top with a pair of denim jeans, but she looked so simply amazing that she took his breath away. That was the evening he asked that they date exclusively which she instantly dismissed. She asked him to understand and that she has reasons he may never understand. She said she wanted them to remain that way and that only time will tell. He was hurt of course, but there was something about what she said that night that made him comeback and yearn for her even more.

Next was a collage of his pictures, My Byul was its title. He smiled at the silly things he did for her. She took a picture of him wearing one of her homemade aprons, cooking her dinner (which was not ramen by the way) in his apartment. Another one was him singing in a music lounge. He chuckled when he saw one where he danced to R2song. He found another one, she probably took it when she convinced him to help her serve soup to street children one random cold night. He found another one where he was sitting on the floor chopping radish for their Kimchi, they had argued that day because he wanted to add more chilli powder but she protested that it was not good for him.

Hyunjoong walked a few more steps to the next picture in the gallery. My Love, she scribbled in that particular photo. He tried to recall when that was taken. He smiled when he remembered. That was the time they went to the beach on a cold winter day because she wanted to remember the smell of sea. It was a beautiful day, yet each day spent with her was always beautiful.


But the last photo was a mystery to him. He knew it was taken in his bedroom, but when, he did not know. 'The Only One, My Only One', that was the title she gave the photo.

He stared at the sleeping Kim Hyunjoong. He looked so peaceful in that photo. Then it hit him, it was taken the day she left him. Before they went to sleep, she said she was going somewhere far, somewhere white. Hyunjoong asked if she was going to Hokkaido. She did not answer right away, but she kissed him on the eyes, she said she will miss his fierce stares, she kissed the tip of his nose and said she will miss the way it crinkles when he disagrees with her, then she kissed him on the mouth and said she will miss all his kisses and how safe he makes her feel. She said something about remembering them that way—happy and satisfied just by being in each others arms. In the morning, Hyunjoong found himself alone in his apartment. There weren't any traces of her. He felt angry and despised her for a long time. But now, why was he feeling like he was wrong?

He almost expected Hwangbo to emerge from the door when it made a croaking. He almost expected to see her smiling face trying to convince him to forgive her for leaving without a word, but it was the old woman and the African boy.

“She loved you so much..”, she said, “She wanted you to remember her as the happy Hwangbo Hyejung, the one you fell in love with.”

They took him to another room where a picture of her smiling happily greeted him. Her catlike eyes. Her long bridge nose. Her perfect lips. He looked down and started to read the big bold letter under the picture, Memoriam.

“Before she passed away..”, the old woman choked, tears in her eyes, “she prepared for another photo exhibition. She said she wanted it to be about the people in her life and the person who made her hope against hope that she would live..”

Hyunjoong was astounded, 'She passed away—what does that mean?', he asked himself.

“What do you mean, she passed away?”, he blurted out.

“She—Hwangbo, she passed away, Hyunjoongah. A month ago, she succumbed to brain cancer. She was on remission until last summer, remember the day she invited you to my Spaghetti restaurant? She was late because she had another headache and fainted on the street. She did not bring Jins to Junjin's place, like the excuse she gave you. Junjin took her to the hospital, but she escaped because she had a date with you.” the old woman smiled as she looked at the picture, “That girl was always so stubborn”

“Junjin created this room a week ago when he finally recovered from the shock and realized she did not want to see him that way. He gave all those she took photos of an invitation to the gallery. He did not know how to give yours because all the while, she did not want you to know. Most of the pictures of her in this room were submitted by her friends. Andy told them to post pictures of how they want to remember her. It's amazing really how people responded.”, the Ahjumma explained.

“Ahjumma, there's a phone call for you..”, the boy interrupted. The woman and the boy excused themselves.

Hyunjoong looked around seeing only the woman he loved more than his life and loathed at the same time. Tears started to spill. He was feeling hurt, confused, angry, sad.

He knees shook thinking he could have done better for her, hoping he could have made her feel loved. He could have said the words he felt but never had the courage to tell her. He was on his hands and knees as the pain groped him by the throat.

He reached for his wallet and took out a picture. It was the only snapshot he took of her. He has kept it with him all along because that was the day he finally realized that if there was someone in this world he could spend the rest of his life with, it had to be her, Hwangbo Hyejung. He looked at the picture one last time. She looked peaceful and amazingly gorgeous sleeping, wearing the short wedding gown for their 100th day photo shoot during WGM.

Hyunjoong stood up, looking at the happy memories she had with so many people.

Junjin and her in highschool—We'll always be best of friends Hyejung, Junjin wrote.

Andy and her in one of their trips outside Korea—I love you Hyejungah..you know that right??, Andy wrote.

Dongwan and her when he got out of the military—I won't cry because you do not want me to, but deep inside, my heart is in pain because I can no longer be with you, he wrote.

Her and Boram in their bikinis, out sunbathing—Who am I supposed to go call in the middle of the night when I feel bad or depressed?, she inscribed.

Euni and her in the set of FDTV—It felt like a piece of me has gone missing, Hyejungah, she wrote.

Shimty and her—You were not only my talent, you were my friend, my sister, I will be missing you so much.

Her Manager and her—I might never find someone as dedicated and hardworking as you, I love and will miss you terribly.

Her Oppa and her—Missing you is an understatement, the pain of losing my beloved sister will continue to linger until the day I die.

Her Mother and Father holding her as a little girl—We are still wallowing in pain, Hyejungah.

Jeewon and her in one of Seoul's fashion shows—How long will it be before this pain stops Jungie? I am missing more and more everyday.

Yunho and her in Loveletter couple uniforms, slicing a cake together—Noona, you did not even give me a chance, but I know he made you happy even for just a short while.

Seungho posing like a fanboy with her during an album signing—Noona, ottoke?.

Rain and her on a group date at some random club—Noona, why do you always keep me in the dark? Sometimes I wonder, will I ever be good enough for you, even just as a friend?.

Micky lounging on a chair beside her inside her dressing room—My ideal woman is a tomboyish angel.

Nicole and her in the set of Nodaji—Thank you for always taking care of me Unnie.

Miss Shin and her holding beer mugs—Did I ever tell you that I actually thought of marrying you?.

Ryeowon and her inside the old car she once talked about in Strong Heart—I will continue texting you, like you're still here because right now, the thought that you're gone is still too painful.

Ryu Siwon and her talking outside their race cars—How does one recover from losing a best friend?.

Eunhyuk and her in the radio station—Noona, I've never even asked you to slow dance with me.

Heechul making faces behind her as she hammed it up for the camera—Hyejung Noona, be happy wherever you are because you deserve twice as much for being the true angel that you are.

Haha poking her by the ribs as they sat on a couch waiting for their cue—I know it's impossible, but will you reply to my tweets, I just want to know if you're okay there.

Hodong carrying her in his big arms—You say you're tough and strong, but to me, you're still just a little lady trying to find her place in the sun. With you so far away, how can I protect you?

And many more..

“She was well loved, wasn't she? She was well loved by everyone, but the only one she loved was you, you were her only one”, Junjin said as he entered the small room. “She loved without limits, but she set a limit when she loved you--”

“Because she did not want to see you hurt. It hurt her twice as much to see you in pain because of her, so she opted to stay as far away as she could.”, he continued, “The doctors told her she had less than a year to live after her remission and that no surgery nor therapy could help her, but when she was with you, she wanted so much to continue and take care of you, make you the happiest man. She questioned God so many times, why it had to be her, why she had to have cancer of all people. That's why she left you when she was at her weakest.”

Junjin handed Hyunjoong a picture, “She kept this with her all the time. She said she was happiest when she was with you.”

Junjin left him alone as he continued to stare at the so-called family portrait they had with Jins.

Hyunjoong looked again at the picture of her that he was holding. He took out a pen from his pocket and started to scribble – I wish you told me, so that I did not have to spend so much time putting the puzzle pieces together and end up hating you for leaving me each time. I wish you told me, so that I can share your pain even just a little of it. Was it too painful Buin? Are you still hurting now? This picture is how I will always imagine you to be—painless, happy, immortal, beautiful. I love you. I have always had and will always be in love with you.

He took the other picture, and started to scribble – I know it's too late, but will you marry me? For real, this time.. You say I am the only one, I say you are my only one true love. Will you wait for me there?