author's note: this one's kinda cheesy, and so belinda carlisle...this was my HK issue aftershock.....
:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8-) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-/ :-* :'(
Questions have been hounding her all week long.
Won't you at least call to comfort him? Noona, do you know he has gained lots of anti fans? Aren't you even just a little concerned about him? Did he even matter to you? He's really hurt, you know? Have you seen him lately? He's a mess!
She could no longer stand it. She was angry...confused..helpless..hopeless..
Questions kept on piling up in her head.
Couldn't they give me some peace of mind? Can't they see that I am tired and need some comforting, too? Can't they see that I am as hurt and wounded as he will ever be?
Afterall, it was not her playing hooky in Hong Kong, and it definitely was not him celebrating his birthday alone and in despair.
Yes, they have parted. Things have been complicated between them. Neither Hwangbo nor Hyunjoong could fulfill the promise they made after the show. Things worked out for the first few months, but activities and events piled up, and some were more demanding than others. Some even took all their personal time. And then, there was lesser communication between them. She did not want to be the first to call because she thought she did not want to seem desperate. But the ugly truth was that she was missing him so badly that she found herself awake all night if not crying herself to sleep. On the other hand, he could not make time to call her for they were always in different timezones. He was dying of exhaustion and did not want her to see him that way, thus the break up.
She knew it was coming. She read all the signs. They were after all too obvious not to be read nor seen nor heard. She was just in denial and was still holding on to some pieces of their so-called love affair and promises.
He had to do it although his closest friends and even those who hated him for stealing her were taunting him never to hurt her. He knew exactly how easy it was to break her, she was after all a fragile soul inside her angelic yet tough exterior. He has been hating himself for even thinking about the idea, but if he did not do it now, they would end up hating each other and letting the relationship go to waste.
Everything was said and done on a beautiful May afternoon. There were no tears shed, no harsh words, not a trace of pain nor heartache when they faced each other. She went home. He moved on. She couldn't get out of bed the following day. He wasted away during practices causing physical exhaustion and fatigue.
They both went on with their busy lives without saying a word. They were afterall adults who could handle their private lives or so they thought.
________________________________________
August 16. Hwangbo's birthday. News broke out. Hyunjoong's alleged rendezvous in the busy Hong Kong streets.
She was hurt, but pretended not to know. He was feeling guilty and embarrassed. All he wanted to do was explain to her that it was not what it seemed. All she wanted was a little truth from his mouth. But he could not do it and she never got to hear the words that she wanted to hear.
All she had were news or rumors of what happened or the usual he-said-she-said-they-said from the grueling and complicated world of show business. Fans all over Asia reacted, even those from the Western world. His trash talking anti-fans grew in large numbers. She pretended unfazed by the whole issue. She was hurt and this whole fiasco he got himself into was all his doing, but what she didn't know was that it was all because of her.
All he could do right now was to wait and hope for the best. He asked about her reaction from friends, but there was no news about how she was digesting all the crap. He could not care less about the world's reaction, they didn't know the truth. He pretended unaffected, but it was obvious how frustrated he was that his fans reacted that way. He was hurt and the whole fiasco was all his fault, but what he did not know was that she was hurting with him, too.
________________________________________
The world that surrounded her was full of questions. Now, she could not believe that even her friends were doubting and asking her questions even if they all knew what the answer was. She had to escape, and there was only one way she knew how. With her car keys in hand, she was marching away from the set location.
Where are you going? Her manager asked.
Out!, she shouted back
Without saying much, she revved up the engine and drove away to God knows where. Before she knew it, she was making her way down a familiar street and parked her car in the familiar driveway. She wanted some answers and she's going to get some, but most of all, she wanted to comfort and be with him even if her brain was protesting and her heart thumping like a madman's.
________________________________________
She patiently waited for someone to answer the door.
Noona? Hyungjun said in astonishment.
Another head popped out from inside. Kyu peeked in, and dragged HB inside, Come in, Noona. He's inside.
Youngsaeng saw her come in. He looked at her with a worried expression, It was all my fault Noona. I am to be blamed, please don't be angry at him.
Hwangbo looked at him with pity. How she wished she could say it was okay, and that she was okay with everything. Her heart was in pain, but she could not do anything because they were over.
Jungmin, who always seemed harsh and distant, approached her, put his hands on her shoulder and asked her the question no one dared to ask not even herself, Noona, are you okay? I mean for real, are you okay?
Tears almost slipped from her eyes. She smiled at him, then shook her head. For a long agonizing second, she thought she was stuck in the moment. For the first time, she was able to admit that she was not okay.
Where is he?, she finally brought herself to ask. Jungmin pointed out to the room adjacent to where they were standing. She walked slowly as 4 pairs of eyes looked on.
________________________________________
Knock. Knock.
Come in, Hyunjoong answered.
She tugged at the door knob hoping not to make any kind of noise. She stepped in and closed the door behind her.
The room was poorly lit. The only light was from the setting sun outside.
Hi, she said in a whisper.
He was not expecting this surprise. The awkwardness was suffocating them.
She managed to smile, hoping to ease any tension or pressure or maladroitness between them in this small space.
It was obvious in his eyes that he was surprised by the sudden visit and he was not prepared for this encounter. He was busy packing or at least pretending to be busy, so that the other guys wouldn't pester him again.
Somehow her sudden appearance made him less wary, making him feel like everything was going to be alright. He could feel his heart jumping out of his chest, the kind that people experience when they are happy. Although he could not read her expression nor tell what her purpose of coming here was, he suddenly rekindled the feeling when he first realized just how much he loved her and how important she was in his life.
You came..., was all he could mutter after ages of silence.
Yeah, I just..she started
A sudden loss of words..
I just..I..
Stuttering..
I..ah.. I just..I just wanted to know if you're okay.
I didn't hear anything for the past few months, and the incident. I had to hear everything from you, I had to see if..if you're fine..if the rumors were true..
Then the sudden onslaught of words came from her mouth.
There were things I had to know..from you. I was worried, and people were saying bad things, mean things. I just had to know if you're fine..if you are okay...
Hwangbo dropped her head, trying to hide the sudden surge of tears. The anger was overpowered by the love she has been keeping in her heart. She could not help it. Her shoulders started to shudder.
Hyunjoong stood up from the piles and piles of clothing.
Buin..
He started towards her.
It would be a lie to say I'm fine, but...but now that you're here, I think I am going to be alright.
He wanted to reassure her. The words that came out of his mouth were the truth. Suddenly, he felt like he could overcome anything knowing that she still cared.
He took a few more steps closer, and held her in a tight embrace.
They were like two puzzle pieces that fit each other perfectly, one is meaningless without the other. It was like everything made sense when they were together.
I'm so sorry I let you go. I am sorry for hurting you.
He whispered as he held her even tighter.
Words will never be enough, Buin, but believe me, it was not what it seemed.
She has never heard him so sincere and serious. His voice started to crack, choking between what seemed to her as sobs.
For a long time they held on to each other, neither wanting to let go.
Hyunjoong broke the sweetest, most passionate embrace, and gathered the courage to ask.
Despite what happened, and the rumors, and those things they are saying about me, will you still be there for me? Will you still love me, Hyejung?
Hwangbo fell silent. She didn't have to think of an answer to his question.
Wasn't it obvious already?, she thought, but she knew he needed reassurance.
I am here, aren't I? I would not be here if I did not love you, Hyunjoong...
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