Slowly

author's note:Inspired by the Glen Hansard song that I am sure all of you know by heart(if not, then you're not a Joongbo-er..hehe...kidding!!). I was not so sure about the title though, I know there's a another beautiful fic entitled 'Falling Slowly (which was the original title of my fic), so I thought it'd be best to change it.

Don't ask me why Falling Slowly turned out to be a sad fic, I also have no clue why the story went that way ???...And pardon my poor attempts in making sad fics, I'm just not too sure if they're sad enough...

:-[ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'(

HOW COULD HIS HEART BETRAY HIM NOW?, he thought as he gasped for air. They were on their way back to the city. OH, WHY DID I EVER OFFER A RIDE WHEN HER CAR BROKE DOWN, he muttered to himself. Taping was officially done, and this was their last day together. He will be pretty busy soon, with all those projects lined up. And she, who knows what she will be doing. She never talks about it anyway. She never talks about it with him anyway. A pang of pain washed over his beating heart. It never really occurred to him that this was the last day until now, at this very moment while she was riding with him in his band's van. They were alone at the back seat. He couldn't help but stare at her. She was already asleep. SHE MUST BE VERY TIRED, he thought. He was right beside her, but it felt like she was so distant, like a star one could only watch from afar. He started cursing himself. I SHOULD HAVE MADE MORE EFFORT TO GET CLOSER TO HER, he said to himself, but he let his indecision and stupidity get in the way. As they passed by faint street lights that touched her now caramel colored skin, she shone. And there she was, sleeping beauty—no make-up, no fancy facial products. She was so close and they were together almost everyday, but it was hardest to know her more. Maybe because he was afraid. And there were so many inhibitions in his heart. So many what ifs and maybes, but now, there is no more chance to unravel the mystery that was beside him sleeping like the true angel that she really was.

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that

There were many chances, many opportunities, but he let them escape in his bare hands. Jeju, Japan, their lavish apartment then the simpler one, the tours with other fake couples, their own tours, Pusan. But he was a coward. She made every effort, but he was afraid to let his guard down. Afterall, it was him who announced several years ago that he would not fall for someone older. She initiated so many talks and small conversations, but he was thinking too much and never let the small talks flow. And if he did, it was when the camera was rolling. She was nice to him on and off camera, but then again, she was nice to everyone. It seemed to him like they were both playing games with each other, then skirting around each other when they were not taping.

Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

He had exactly an hour or so to make his move, but how can he wake her from her slumber. He does not know what to do. He touched her head lightly, but she just stirred and continued sleeping. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD, SHE'S HERE NOW. NOW IS MY CHANCE, he said to himself, hoping for some assurance and sign. He muttered her name softly. HMMM?, was all she said, trying to rub the sleep off her eyes. ARE WE HERE NOW?, she asked him. NO, BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, he finally found the courage to say. It's now or never.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

She looked at him intently, curious at what he was about to say. She waited with those eyes like an angel. Thoughts ran through his head. Staring at her was like taking a vacation in the most relaxing island. It was soothing and good. It was almost like heaven. It was like all his troubles went away. Then her lips twitched to a soft small smile. NOW, HE WAS REALLY IN HEAVEN, he thought. Everything that worried him, every problem, struggle or pain he had was washed away when he saw her smile at him. It's was like the world stopped turning, and they were the only two people in the world at that very moment. He was definitely lost. Lost in his love for her, and he hoped he was lost forever.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

YOU WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING?, she conveniently asked him. But he was lost in thoughts, like holding her in his arms all day long, a vacation with her, making breakfast together, making her feel like a princess, a morning run with her, watching movies together, having her watch his concerts, watching her sing for him, waiting for her during her taping, have her wait for him at home with a good home cooked meal on the table that she lovingly prepared for him, buying her flowers, wearing all those things she made for him, having his fans harass her and talk nasty things about her on the net. WAIT, HIS FANS, he thought. It has happened before, hasn't it? People started rumors about her. They were saying that she was a crude and that she was a bad influence to him. There were even sexual addiction rumors that he could not dismiss. He even had to call a press conference to clear that up. People started to pull her down when this show started, and sadly, he must admit, it was all because of him. Although, she never talked about it with him, he knew she was affected. A common friend once mentioned she could not get out of her apartment complex because there were anti fans waiting for her outside. They went to the point of hating her so much that his fans caused trouble at one of her mini concerts. She has been working so hard to build a good image for herself and she has been extra careful with all the people she met. He could not be the cause of the destruction of something she worked so hard for. And that was it. His love for her was so deep, he thought, he should give up and let someone who deserved her more be the one for her, be the only one for her. IT'S TIME SHE WON, he thought. He shook his head with sad eyes, NO, I JUST THOUGHT YOU WANTED SOMETHING TO EAT, he said. I'M FINE, she answered, still with a smile on her lips. THANKS BY THE WAY FOR SHARING YOUR RIDE WITH ME, she added. He nodded.

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

He turned away. He has given up. Now, all he could do is care for her and watch her from a distance. He did not want to cause her more pain than what she has suffered from their make believe. He lived in reality, too. Slowly, he fell for her, slowly he should learn to let go of her if he can, otherwise, he will remain a spectator of this beautiful star forever. As long as she is happy, he would be happy for her, and it won't matter if his heart would ache forever.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody

I'll sing along