Letting Go

author's note: This was written on a whim. I should be sleeping now because I have a fully loaded day tomorrow, but the sandman has not visited me yet and earlier I found my old Acoustic CD compilation. LET ME BE THE ONE by Jimmy Bondoc (if you guys don't know the song, it's really good...oldies but goodies, as they say) started playing and I just got lost in the moment...

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Hyejung let out a smirk followed by a sarcastic laugh. She cannot believe she’s having one of those ‘I told you so’ moments. The words she was hearing now were not something funny. In fact, the conversation she was having now was dead serious.

COOL OFF, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?, she sputtered.

I’M SORRY BUIN, IT’S NOT ME---, Hyunjoong stopped when she laughed even harder.

PUHLEASE! ARE YOU SERIOUS?? DON’T TELL ME..IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU, RIGHT?…many would think she was crazy to laugh in this situation, but somehow something in her found it mockingly funny. This scene has played in her head so many times before that she was no longer surprised to be actually hearing it now. Somehow, she saw this coming, like it was right around the corner. IT WAS ONLY GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, she thought looking at her Shillang—soon to be ex-Shillang—seriously this time. Then she smiled, her face looking sincere.

LET’S NOT MAKE IT HARD ON EACH OTHER, HYUNJOONG, she said touching his face with her right hand. IT WAS ONLY GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, she echoed what was in her head.

He looked up at her, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HYE JUNG? The tension was suddenly rising in his voice.

LET’S END IT NOW. LET’S END IT WHILE YOU AND I ARE STILL FRIENDS, Hyejung explained as she took the empty seat right across from where Hyunjoong sat.

The man-child was caught off guard. He looked confused. All he wanted was some time, but it seemed like Hyejung has thought about it for the longest time.

THERE’S REALLY NO USE FOR US TO CONTINUE LIKE THIS. I’M SETTING YOU FREE, BESIDES, ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? TIME? I’M GIVING YOU ALL THE TIME YOU NEED AWAY FROM ME., she found the courage to say. She was probably hurting more than him, but if being happy and gaining her pride back would mean letting go of someone she might or might not love, she was willing to risk it.

Things have been falling apart between them. They were great at the start, but work and many other factors got in the way. Promises were broken and soon, having to see each other was even becoming too stressful and caused a lot of pain. Arguments sparked over the most useless and nonsensical of things. They said they liked each other, but neither ever confessed feeling love. It was a semi relationship, as Hyejung’s friends called it. And eventually, Hyejung started to doubt him, she started to doubt herself. How long she can hold on, she did not know until now.

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, HYEJUNG, he tried to contest, but Hyejung has made up her mind.

NO, she said softly, LET’S NOT DO THIS ANYMORE, LET’S STOP PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY BECAUSE IT IS NOT. NOTHING IS OKAY BETWEEN US. LET’S STOP BEFORE WE START HURTING EACH OTHER SO BADLY THAT WE START HATING EACH OTHER.

BUT, I WILL TRY BUIN, JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME. A LITTLE TIME, he said holding on to her hand.

THEN TELL ME, HYUNJOONG, DO YOU LOVE ME? DO YOU LOVE ME AT ALL TO BELIEVE THAT THIS WOULD WORK BETWEEN US?, she asked taking her hand from his tight but gentle grasp.

He stayed silent. Love was something he was not sure he found yet. He knew she was important, he knew she was someone who could make him smile, he knew she was someone who could fill his stomach with butterflies, but there were also the countless arguments they had and the pain and the jealousy. He wanted to shout YES, but he was not sure yet. He stayed glued to his seat for what seemed to be an eternity.

YOU CANNOT ANSWER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SURE YET, AND I DO NOT WANT TO PRESSURE YOU. LET’S NOT DO THIS ANYMORE HYUNJOONG. LET’S STOP BEFORE IT GOES BAD. LET ME LET YOU GO, Hyejung kissed him on the forehead and headed out the door.

When he looked up, it was too late. She had gone out the door and out of his life forever.