Christmas Morn 2 (After the Dream)

author's note: the 2nd instalment. i wanted hyunjoong to suffer when he realizes it's just a dream, but i didn't want to play the role of christmas grinch this year, and so thy fic ends on a happy note.

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Hyunjoong ran his hands through the think comforter, but there was a sudden movement. A pretty head emerged from the thick layers of comforters, she snuggled in his chest and wrapped her arms around his upper torso.

She let out a low sleepy moan, “Let me sleep for 10 more minutes”, she begged in that familiar low raspy voice, “Please Shillang, just 10 more minutes”

Hyunjoong could not believe it, Hyejung was really there with him, beside him, in his arms. He kissed the top of her head, and tightened his arms around her, “Okay Buin, we’ll sleep some more”

When Hyejung woke up, it was already morning. She was sure it was not her bed. She was not in her room. She blinked. She was tightly wrapped inside a man’s arm. She was tightly wrapped inside HER MAN’S ARMS. She smiled. It felt good to be finally with him. All that drama, all those hints, all those inhibitions were finally gone. They were together, and there’s no stopping them now.

It was not an easy journey from the semi reality show to the realizations, then the confessions, the scandal, the break up, the busy schedules, the accidents and swine flu, and all those various things in between.

They were perfect, complete together, and a disaster apart.

She lifted herself up, just enough to give herself full view of the sleeping Hyunjoong. She smirked at how beautiful and boyish he seemed.. He looked tired, but there was a look on his face that shouts just how happy he was. She smiled in delight at the sight of his eyes, his nose, his lips—his lips. Those were the lips that made her realize last night how important he was in her life, how happy he made her feel, how much he made her forget to care about the rest of the world. Most of all, how much she loved him. She fondly remembered everything he said last night,

“I want to feel you.. I need to hear you. You are the light. That is leading me to the place where I find peace again. You are the strength that keeps me walking. You are the hope that keeps me trusting. You are the life to my soul. You are my purpose. You're everything.

How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms. You give me rest. You hold me in your hands. You won't let me fall. You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.

Would you take me in? Would you take me deeper now?

You're all I want. You’re all I need. You’re everything. Everything.”

She tried to reason with him last night, but he continued to use words that shook her very core as if it was not enough to make her give in.

“Buin, I can't keep up, and I can't back down. I've been losing so much time because it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to lose. It’s just you and me and all of the people, but I don't know why, I just can't keep my eyes off of you.

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words. You've got my head spinning. I don't know where to go from here.

It's you and me, Buin, and, all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to prove.”

She traced the contours of his face with her index fingers and whispered the last words he said last night before she gave up and gave in.

”There's something about you that I can't quite figure out.

Everything you do is beautiful. Everything you do is right.

And the most important thing is, I love you and I am sure you feel the same way, so why can’t we be together?”

Hyunjoong woke up and yawned, “Stop it, Buin, you’re really embarrassing me now”

“Wei??, those things you said last night really touched me………….unless you do not mean any of them”, she said playfully punching his arm.

“Of course, I meant them…” he answered tickling her by the ribcage.

“Okay, okay, I believe you…I believe you!!!”, she said protesting as he trapped her.

When they were laying still in bed, Hyejung propped her head on Hyunjoong’s chest, “What do you want for Christmas?”

Hyunjoong quietly thought of an answer to his question. He suddenly remembered the dream he had earlier, a pregnant Hyejung, Byul and him coming home for Christmas. That was what he wanted for Christmas, but for now, he was satisfied. That dream made him happy. It felt to him like a perfect Christmas gift. “I dreamt of something happy last night, that was the gift I wanted for Christmas”, he answered happily smiling to himself.

Hyejung looked confused, but she did not want get Hyunjoong away from his happy bubble.

“Are you happy with my gift?”, he asked her.

Hyejung raised her hand, the diamond shimmered as the soft morning sun touched it, “Yes, I am, especially since I am engaged to the only man I want to be with for the rest of my life”

“So, what did you get me for Christmas, Buin?”, he suddenly asked.

“Me??…ME” she gave him a wide grin, “I am your Christmas gift…” she boldly added then winked at him, “Isn’t this your best Christmas morn ever?” she asked.

Hyunjoong smiled. It was indeed. He received the best Christmas gift and experienced the best Christmas morn in his life this year.

Christmas Morn

author's note:my Christmas gift for all joongboers still believing up until this day or at least until the 'couple' finally fesses up.

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Their bedroom window door squeaked open as a pair of little feet quietly entered, climbed up the king sized bed and found her way under the thick comforters where she peaked and watched the man who was sleeping soundly. Hyunjoong stirred as he noticed a pair of eyes watching him intently. He stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. The sun has not fully broken free from the night skies that hid it. There was only little light in the room, but he could clearly see how the little pair of eyes twinkled in delight as he was beginning to wake up. The little critter giggled in delight,

"Appa, Omma, Good Morning!!! Merry Christmas", she greeted her parents in a high-pitched voice that woke Hyejung from her deep slumber.

Hyejung sleepily smiled at the little girl. "Good Morning, Byul, Merry Christmas!!!", Hyejung greeted her daughter in between yawns, "Why are you up so early?", she asked as she watched Hyunjoong take their daughter in his arms.

“I wanted to see if Appa is still here”, she answered trying to break free from his tickles, “And ask him what his gift for me is…”

It is their first Christmas together as a complete family. Hyunjoong had been away to serve the army for two years. And, it was Byul's first time to really meet her father.

“Of course, I am here. Didn’t I promise you that I’ll be here forever and ever?”, Hyunjoong reassured his now two year old daughter, “I heard from your Omma that you’ve been really nice, so I brought your presents. They’re under the tree”

The little girl smiled from ear to ear upon hearing her Appa's good news.

“Can I open them now?”, she asked looking at her Omma, then her Appa.

“Let me make some breakfast first, then we can open our gifts together”, Hyejung said trying to get up from the bed as carefully as she could.

Hyunjoong got up from the bed quickly and assisted his wife, “No, let me do it. Today, I am making breakfast for my queen and my princess.”

It was something he learned to do, cooking that is. Aside from ramen, he was now able to make simple dishes and egg rolls, something Hyejung craved for when she was pregnant with Byul, but to Hyunjoong’s frustration, he could not make those for her because he was in the army.

He was ready to call them, but he had to stop and enjoy the mother and daughter scene. Hyejung was resting her back and leaning on some piled pillows while Byul was pressing her ear on her mother’s bulging stomach.

Yes, Hyejung is five months pregnant again. He was able to get a day off five months ago. He smiled as he remembered a conversation he once had with Hyungjoon and Jungmin.

“I guess Hyung did not waste any time on his day-off after all, no wonder he never has time to visit us anymore”, Hyungjoon sighed, completely ignoring the fact that the person he was talking about was in front of him.

“Oh well, he did mention that he wanted two boys and two girls”, Jungmin added staring blankly at Hyunjoong.

He was brought to the present time when he heard Byul and Hyejung’s simultaneous laughter.

“No Omma, I will have a baby brother soon”, Byul said pressing her ear to Hyejung’s stomach again.

“A baby brother? How do you know he’s gonna be a boy?”, Hyejung asked watching Byul whispering something on her stomach.

“He said so, Omma. He told me!! Didn’t you, Bi?”, Byul patted her stomach as softly as she could, Hyejung could feel a soft kick from the baby, “See? See? Bi said he’s going to be a boy!!!”, the little girl announced proudly.

Hyejung burst out laughing. Not only was Byul making a connection with her soon to be baby brother, she was giving him a name, too. “Why Bi?”, she asked watching Hyunjoong’s expression then gave him a guilty grin.

“Because when I meet Uncle Bi at the studios, he always pats my head and tells me ‘You are as pretty as your mommy’”, she answered imitating Bi.

Hyejung burst out laughing again as she does when Hyunjoong says something 4D, “He’s right you know, you are as pretty as mommy”, directing her comment to Byul’s almost jealous Appa.

“Byul, have you thought of any other boy names?”, Hyunjoong asked hoping to change the topic, but he did not expect another surprise from his witty daughter.

“Yes Appa, I like names like Yunho, Kyungrok, Dongwan, Micky or Yoochun, Eunhyuk, Kibum, Chansung, or Boris”, she answered struggling to pronounce the names properly, “Because those Oppas are all nice to me and Omma, they always tell me I’m as beautiful and witty as Omma…”

Hyejung burst out laughing again.

“Okay, that’s it…Let’s eat. The food is getting cold”, Hyunjoong finally admitted defeat. He helped Hyejung get up from the bed, then gave Byul a piggy back ride to the kitchen.

After breakfast, Byul was giddy to open her presents again. Hyunjoong was adjusting his camcorder. The sight of a pregnant Hyejung and their pretty daughter laughing and talking in their living room made him give a sigh of contentment. This was what he always imagined the day he realized that he has already fallen for Hyejung. This miracle made him smile.

The rays of the morning sun suddenly burst in the living room. Hyunjoong shielded his eyes, but when he blinked, he saw nothing. There was no Byul, no Christmas tree, no Hyejung in sight. He was not even in the living room.

Hyunjoong stirred in his bed. He sighed. It was after all nothing but a beautiful dream. It was Christmas morning, and he was still in bed.

~~~~~~~~

Make Up Your Mind

author's note: these are just a couple of things i wanted to say to Hyunjoong...hehehe

;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-*

The last time Kyujong checked the wall clock it was still 9:35PM. Now, it's 1:05AM, and he was getting rather sleepy and annoyed. But still, he felt that he needed to get it out of his chest.

Hyungjoon stared at his hyung who was pacing around the dorm's living room, HE HAS NOT COME BACK YET, HYUNG?, he asked between yawns.

Kyujong shook his head looking very irritated already. Hyunjoon figured it would be best to leave Kyu alone, or else he'll get seriously beaten up if he asks why he is waiting for Hyunjoong to come home.

A couple more minutes passed, and Kyujong was about ready to give up on his mission when he heard some keys rattling at the main door. He quickly flicked the lights open to get a clearer view of the person entering the room.

Hyunjoong stumbled at the sudden outburst of light and was surprised when he saw Kyujong standing in the hallway with arms crossed over his chest and a quizzical look spread all over his face. OW, YOU'RE STILL AWAKE?, he asked the other man in surprise.

Kyujong gave him that serious look, his expression was stern. YES, I WAS REALLY WAITING FOR YOU..., he answered his leader.

ME? WEI? DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM ME, Hyunjoong was startled at his sudden behavior.

YES, I WAS...WELL, AM WAITING FOR YOU, BUT I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU. I JUST NEED TO SAY SOMETHING., Kyujong was dead serious now and very nervous. He was not used to such kind of confrontations. Among all the SS501 members, Kyu was always the nicest. He never meddled in other people's business and never fought nor had a bickering with anyone else, not even the ever mean and self centered Jungmin.

OOKAY, DO YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?, Hyunjoong asked still trying to recover from his initial shock.

NO, THERE'S NO NEED FOR THAT, Kyu answered, his expression still unchanged, but the tension in his voice was rather obvious now.

????!!, Hyunjoong just stared at him.

I JUST FELT I NEED TO SAY THIS, HYUNG. AND, I DO NOT MEAN TO SOUND DISRESPECTFUL, Kyu swallowed the lump forming on his throat, COULD YOU JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY?

Hyunjoong was confused, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, ONE MINUTE YOU'RE SAYING HYORI NOONA IS YOUR IDEAL GIRL, YOU EVEN CHOSE HER OVER HWANGBO NOONA IN CHAMPAGNE, THEN YOU SAID YOU THREW A REMOTE CONTROL BECAUSE OF HYORI NOONA, BUT IN WE GOT MARRIED, YOU SAID YOU FELT LIKE SMASHING A TV WHEN YOU SAW HWANGBO NOONA'S OUTFIT IN ONE OF HER PERFORMANCES, AND YOU COMPLETELY AVOIDED HER WHEN HER VIDEO CAME OUT, LIKE SOME JEALOUS FOOL, Kyu paused for a moment to catch his breath. He was completely drawn into his rantings,

AND NOW, YOU KEEP DROPPING HINTS ABOUT HWANGBO NOONA, LIKE GETTING MARRIED BEFORE YOU TURN 30, WANTING A FAMILY, HAVING A GIRLFRIEND FOR FIVE MONTHS, DRIVING AROUND, EATING SASHIMI, GOING FISHING.

GOOD GRIEF, HYUNG, ALL OF SOUTH KOREA AND MAYBE EVEN THE REST OF ASIA KNOW YOU'VE 'OPENLY DATED' NOONA FOR 5 MONTHS IN WE GOT MARRIED, NOT INCLUDING YOUR 1ST AWKWARD MONTH OF COURSE.

THEN YOU SAID YOU WANTED A FAMILY, 2 BOYS AND 2 GIRLS TO BE EXACT.

AND, YOU WANTED TO BECOME TOM CRUISE IN YOUR NEXT LIFE, WE ALL SAW THAT TOM CRUISE PICTURE IN NOONA'S ROOM WHEN WE WERE SEARCHING FOR VIDEOS OF HER IN YOUTUBE. AND THEN THE RED NOSE THING, SERIOUSLY, HYUNG JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND..., Kyu crossed his arms again, raising his eyebrow as if criticizing his leader.

AND OH, BY THE WAY, BABY AND I JUST FOUND OUT THE REASON WHY YOU REQUESTED, NO, PLEADED FOR THE REINDEER HEAD BAND FOR OUR CONCERT, AND WHY YOU THREW A HISSY FIT WHEN YOU WERE NOT THE ONLY ONE WEARING IT, WE VISITED HWANGBO NOONA'S MINIHOMPY THE OTHER DAY, AND WE SAW THE REINDEER...

SO, PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! IS IT HWANGBO OR HYORI NOONA??? BECAUSE IF YOU ASK ME, I LIKE HWANGBO NOONA BETTER, Kyu had that disdainful look in his eyes, and when he finished his speech, he left muttering to himself.

Hyunjoong just stood there, dumbfounded. His brows suddenly crossed at the realization, WERE THE HINTS I DROPPED REALLY THAT OBVIOUS ALREADY? IF KYU AND BABY THOUGHT I WAS TOO OBVIOUS, DID BUIN NOTICE ALREADY?, he asked himself.

Suddenly, his heart was racing. He was nervous, but a wide grin was spread on his lips. AISH!! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A HIGHSCHOOLER HAVING A CRUSH FOR THE FIRST TIME??, he grumbled to himself as he opened his bedroom door.

Only Love

author's note: inspired by only love by the braxtons...and because hwangbo is a rockstar!!!yiyi!!!

;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-*

She finally stepped outside her apartment for the 1st time in a long time. She almost forgot how much she enjoyed the warmth of the morning sun on her skin. She smiled and sighed. It felt good to walk on the streets on a Sunday morning after days of being incognito. It felt even better to not have a care in the world, but it somehow felt strangely weird to not carry around that heavy baggage. But she figured, she has to learn to live without it really fast.

The past few days have been amazingly tiresome. It's not like she did not expect for it to happen, she knew it was coming, she was just in denial. But the clues were like posters on white walls, too obvious not to be seen.

The initial shock she suffered the night she walked away was wreaking havoc to her senses. She was not expecting the blow to be so powerful that it left her gasping that night, but letting go is something she mastered. She never admitted this to anybody, especially not to him—she fell in love with him despite the age difference, the antifans, and the many circumstances that surrounded them. She could not quite make it out how it happened, it now feels to her like it just did.

Last night, she realized she had to use her brain to see and not her heart. If she did otherwise, she would still be stuck in that room with eyes all puffy and a mind blowing headache. She stopped over analyzing things already. She has given up. It would have been better if his reason was the fans, the pressure, both their jobs, or his schedule. She could have insisted on fighting for their so-called relationship, but when he said he fell out of love, she only found the strength to let him go.

She turned in an unfamiliar block near her street. It was refreshing to discover something she never knew actually existed, like that unfamiliar block with unfamiliar people.

NOONA, YOU'RE HWANGBO, RIGHT?, a child, about 6 or 7 asked.

YEAH, YOU KNOW ME?, she stopped and asked the grinning child.

The kid nodded, YEAH, YOU'RE MY MOM'S FAVORITE!!, he announced proudly.

She was grinning from ear to ear now, AH REALLY?

YESH, he talked with a lisp, SHE SAID YOU WERE STRONG AND YOU COULD FACE ANYTHING. SHE SAID YOU'RE THE GENERAL, he added and gave you a salute.

He was right, she was strong. And now, she's walking on, tall and proud. She can finally say that she is beginning to move on.

Life for her begins anew. Hwangbo Hyejung is finally set free from all those feelings. She's over him somehow, and only love knows how.

Longing, Passion, Love

sigh..another if-only moment involving my fave wgm couple...

;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-*

You toss and turn, you roll over, tried to sleep on your side, on your back, you even tried to hide your face under your biggest, fluffiest pillow, but nothing helped. When you try to close your eyes, the exact same thing happens. It has been two days since you were able to sleep soundly at night. You’re tired, but something just happens when you close your eyes. You have not closed your eyes tonight. Afraid that it might happen again. But within a matter of minutes, your lids become too heavy and you start dozing off. Within seconds you were transported to another dimension. Then, it happened again.

Your lips form into a tiny smile as he reached out his hand and wrapped her arms around your tiny waist. You gasp as he brushes your lips with the softest warmest kiss. As the kiss deepens, you find yourself breathless. He breaks the kiss, and you hide your face on his chest, feeling embarrassed at how he makes you feel with the just the simplest kisses. When he lifted your chin and tucked a lock of hair behind your ears, his fingers lingered on your face, tracing the outline of your jaw then the bridge of your nose. His slightest touch sends shivers to your spine, and you turn jelly inside. He kisses you again. This time more provocative, more sensual. Teasing. Encouraging. Pleasing your every senses. He presses you to the wall, and you let him. The kiss deepens. His hands exploring your slender neck, down to its base making the hairs at the back of your neck stand. He traces your collarbone with his fingers, then follows it with a series of butterfly kisses. You feel a tingling sensation, and God knows how much you like it. He pulls you closer, so close that all your guards and defenses are shattered…

You woke up, cursing yourself. HOW CAN I LET A YOUNG BOY DO THIS TO ME?, you ask yourself. Deep inside your heart, you have been longing for him, yearning for his touch. Truth is, you have been missing him so much that phone conversations were not enough. You reminded yourself not to be greedy, but what can you do when you heart defies everything that your brain says. You love him, and even that confession is an understatement to how you really feel for him. Unlike what the viewers saw from the reality show, he was the spoiler. He was the one who did everything for you when you became his girl, and even when you insist to do some chores or cook for him, he throws a fit. He’s a spoiler and you became the spoiled selfish brat who only wants him for yourself. And this was evidence enough.. It’s only been two days since you last saw him, but your heart is hurting and missing him so d@mn much. You could not close your eyes because all you’ll ever see is him. NOW, I KNOW WHAT FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS INLOVE MEANS, you tell yourself. You cannot even begin to imagine how this happened or when this started. Sleep, that’s what you need, but there would not be any sleep tonight when your heart silently begins to ache. You are silently yearning for him. You try counting backwards, then proceeded to counting sheep.1….2…..3….4….5…52…..53….321…...433…DINDONG!…NO, NEXT TO 433 IS 434, you muttered. DING DONG! You stop counting and rub your eyes. It is 2:25am, and you’re not dreaming and someone is definitely ringing your doorbell. You quickly throw a thin robe over your shoulders and walked towards the front door.

SURPRISE!, the guest said. You stand there frozen, he walks towards you and give you a peck on the cheek and a nice warm hug. But you still stood there, in shock, completely lost.

SHILLANG?, was all you could utter. He gives you another hug before he steps into your apartment and sat on the couch. He stares at you as you walk towards him. He was supposed to be in China or at least that’s where you thought he would be. You watch him as he makes himself comfortable. Suddenly, his eyebrows furrowed, and you know exactly why. You try to close your robe. You were wearing one of those skimpy nightgowns.

DO YOU ALWAYS ANSWER THE DOOR WEARING ONLY THAT BUIN?, an awkward silence.

OF COURSE NOT, you defensively answered, I WAS ABOUT TO SLEEP WHEN I HEARD---just then Hyunjoong stood up. In two long graceful strides, he was infront of you, dangerously too close. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around you and kissed you with so much longing and passion.

You found yourself lying on your bed, how you got there you did not know, but what’s important is that this time everything was not a dream. He was there for real.

As you both lay there, sated, quiet, shocked at how much passion and hunger and love you had for each other, the rest of the world wakes up as the sun rises.

ARE YOU ALRIGHT, HYEJUNG? DID—DID I HURT YOU?, he asked.

You take in deep breaths, then smiled, DID YOU MISS ME THAT MUCH, SHILLANG?, remembering the wild passionate coupling.

AISH!! I COULD NOT SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOU HWANGBO HYE JUNG. I WAS ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU. I COULD NOT EVEN WAIT FOR OUR FLIGHT THIS MORNING. I KNEW I HAD TO SEE YOU. I NEEDED TO TOUCH YOU, TO FEEL YOU.

Hyunjoong snuggled closer, not minding how sweaty they’ve both become. You giggled.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING CRAZY, you whispered. SO THIS IS LOVE, you thought.

I AM SO INLOVE WITH YOU, KIM HYUNJOONG, she proudly announced.

I, TOO, HWANGBO HYEJUNG, AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, Hyunjoong declared pulling her closer in his sweet embrace.

Birthday Surprise

author's note: a happy one for my favorite Korean star's birthday, despite the HK scandal.

:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8-) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-/ :-* :'(

It has been a long week, a long month to be exact. Rehearsals, shoots and guestings have been taking most of her time. She usually cleaned her house and did the decorations all by herself, but now, it looked dusty and lifeless. Now, she just comes and goes. Sometimes, she falls asleep in her van until her road manager wakes her up.

She hurried after the concert last night and hopped to a plane. She reached Seoul at 1:15am. Finally, she was at home. All clean and shiny, but really tired. It did not even take a minute before she fell asleep. There was a reason why even if she was so tired, she still chose to go home, but all reasons faded when fatigue hit her.

There was a loud buzzing on her door. Her bedside alarm clock said it was still 4:10am. Hwangbo started to mumble to herself and forced her tired body to get out of bed. It was struggle walking in a straight line when her head was still hazy, and she could even barely open her eyes. She could not feel the pain on her shoulder after hitting the door, then her closet and then her TV case. Hwangbo opened the door after finally managing to keep her eyes open. Junjin and Andy, in party hats, stood in front holding a birthday cake. Minwoo, Hyesung and Dongwan were behind them with a cardboard cutout of Eric. They all fell silent when they saw Hwangbo.

HYEJUNG!! Junjin was the first to speak.

Hwangbo looked confused.

YA!! Junjin said trying to point out what she was wearing. Hwangbo understood right away, so she shut the door without thinking twice.

AISH!!! was all she could utter in embarrassment. She stared at herself in the mirror still stunned. She felt her cheeks starting to turn red and hot. She was only wearing her old high school shirt with wholes in the wrong places, and worse she was wearing nothing but panties underneath.

She started to turn doorknob, now, in her track suit. The boys were still quiet until Minwoo broke the silence, I THINK I SHOULD MARRY HWANGBO..

WITH A BODY AND FACE LIKE THAT, YOU COULD NOT ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE, Hyesung added.

FROM THE START, YOU KNOW, SHE WAS MINE, Dongwan said. He was known to have a crush on Hwangbo.

YAH! THE THREE OF YOU, SHUT UP!!, Junjin said in a very authoritative voice.

BUT YOU COULD NOT DENY IT HYUNG, SHE'S SMOKING HOT!!, Andy unexpectedly chimed in, but what was most unexpected to Hwangbo was Junjin's reply.

He said, IF SHE WAS NOT MY BESTFRIEND, I COULD HAVE GONE OUT WITH HER A LONG TIME AGO..

They all laughed, but Hwangbo suddenly opened the door, I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW!

She let the boys in.

SORRY, Junjin said feeling embarrassed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Dongwan greeted and gave her a hug as he entered the apartment as if nothing happened. Junjin shot him a warning stare.

They were her beloved Shinhwa boys minus Eric. They knew each other for a long time now, and they have always been really good friends. Hwangbo was like the seventh Shinhwa member.

When the sun finally shone, the boys managed to drag her out of the house. It was her only Sunday without work, but she could not resist her boys. All month long she's been feeling empty and glum inside. It was like part of her was missing, and she knew exactly what was missing.

The boys brought her to a Birthday party organized by her fans. It was also a charity mission which she loved doing. All six of them left the party at 330pm, and the boys brought Hwangbo to the salon where she was glammed up and forced to wear a silver sequenced strapless gown which according to Dongwan he chose himself. They all headed to a nearby hotel where celebrity guests awaited Hwangbo's arrival. Everyone was in black and white, and the decorations where all red. It was perfect. On stage, there was a band playing her favorite songs.

Hwangbo was smiling from ear to ear, as Hyesung whispered, YOU LIKE IT?

Hwangbo nodded and gave him a hug, then Minwoo, Dongwan, Andy, and lastly her best friend.

IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT, YOU REMEMBERED EVERYTHING, she said hugging him tighter.

OF COURSE, he answered and gave her a wink.

Her closest friends and people she worked with were there-the Moohan girls, the Chakra, Shin Aera, Ho Dong, Kyung Lim, Myung Su, MC Yoo. Even idols, like DBSK, SuJu, 2PM, Bigbang, BEG, KARA and the Wondergirls. Ryu Shi Won gave her a special message since he was busy in Japan. Kangta and Kyungrok sang her a song. Seo Inyoung and Jewelry sang her hit songs. The party was the best.

In a quiet corner near the stage, Hwangbo found herself alone. She was eventually lost in a sea of celebrities.

Just then, Junjin approached her, ENJOYING?, he asked.

OF COURSE, YOU'RE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER, she answered with a fake smile.

BUT SOMETHING...NO...SOMEONE'S MISSING, he retorted. He knows her all too well. Someone was indeed missing, and that someone was all she needed to be with right now. She buried her face on Junjin's chest and nodded. Tears started to flow on her cheeks.

Just then, Gaeun and Shinyoung entered. AIGOO, LOOK AT YOU. YOU SHOULD BE A COUPLE. YOU LOOK PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, Gaeun quipped.

I KNOW, RIGHT? Junjin joked. WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED IF WE ARE STILL SINGLE A YEAR FROM NOW. He was still holding her close to allow her to wipe her tears secretly. Shinyoung just laughed knowing it was too impossible.

As the night deepened, alcoholic drinks were being passed around. Each time Hwangbo passed by the tables, she was asked to drink a glass or two, and how could she refuse when it was her party.

She fell beside Andy and begged him to take her home. Junjin let Andy take her home knowing he could be trusted.

Andy made sure she was tucked in bed before he left.

Just as she was already deeply snoozing, there was another loud buzzing at her door. She pretended not to notice, but it was still buzzing 10 minutes later.

Hwangbo managed to get out of bed and drag her butt to the door. She did not even bother to check her monitor, thinking it was Junjin checking up on her.

She could not believe her eyes. She froze and went blank as the person spoke, AM I TOO LATE?

Hwangbo gazed up at him, and he gave her that smile that melted her heart from the start.

HYEJUNG? He spoke again.

She was mesmerized by his presence. He was in a tux, carrying several dozens of the most beautiful red roses. They have not had any communication for a month which was totally her idea. They kept this relationship a secret for almost a year now. They tried dating in public, but it caused a fiasco among the press and paparazzi which both their managements had a hard time pacifying. It was her idea not to communicate thinking she could take the pain and the longing.

Hyunjoong cut in her train of thought. CAN I COME IN?, he asked.

OF COURSE.

As she locked the door, Hyunjoong wrapped her arms around her from behind and hugged her oh so tightly.

I MISSED YOU, he whispered in her ears.

Just then, tears started welling in her eyes. That was the answer to all her questions. It was obvious that she was not the only one suffering. She faced him and rested her cheek on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, slow and relaxed.

He lifted her chin. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUIN, he said before kissing her passionately, and she responded to his every want and needs.

They were both nestled on her couch covered by a thick blanket. He stood up, got the cake and the roses he brought with him.

I KNOW, IT'S LATE, BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A WISH, he lit the candles.

BUT MY WISH ALREADY CAME TRUE, she protested.

THEN WISH THAT IT WILL BE FOREVER, he said. Hwangbo smiled and happily blew the candles.

HERE, he said handing her the roses, EACH ROSE REPRESENTS HOW MANY TIMES I THOUGHT OF YOU EACH DAY, he smiled wryly. There were 24 roses. I WANTED TO GET MORE, BUT THE STORE OWNER REFUSED TO SELL ME MORE ROSES. IT WAS ALMOST MIDNIGHT WHEN I BOUGHT THEM. THAT WAS AFTER I GOT OFF THE PLANE.

SO, WAIT, Hwangbo was confused, YOU ESCAPED TO BE HERE, DIDN'T YOU?

Hyunjoong nodded, then gave Hwangbo a kiss on top of her nose.

YEOBO, she sudenly blurted out, THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY SUPER SPECIAL.

Hyunjoong creased her forehead, BUT WHY WERE YOU WEARING A SHORT DRESS?, he asked.

Hwangbo started to laugh. I WAS AT A SURPRISE PARTY HELD BY THE SHINHWA BOYS...

YAH, DONGWAN HYUNG WAS THERE?, he asked without hesitation.

Hwangbo nodded her head, her smile teasing the jealous idol, AND MICKY, YUNHO, KYUNGROK, CHANSUNG, KIBUM, EUNHYUK...AND DID I MENTION THAT THE DRESS WAS CHOSEN BY YOUR DONGWAN HYUNG.

Hyunjoong was fuming mad now.

She quieted him down, HE MIGHT HAVE CHOSEN THE DRESS, BUT HE WAS NOT THE ONE WHO TOOK IT OFF FROM ME, before he could speak, Hwangbo pressed her lips on Hyunjoong's lips and caressed it with the softest, warmest, most passionate, most provocative kiss ever.

Chuseok

author's note: a happy one written a few days after Korea's Chuseok festival.

**from wikipedia:

Chuseok (Korean: 추석), originally known as Hangawi (한가위) (from archaic Korean for "great middle"), is a major harvest festival and a three-day holiday in Korea celebrated on the 15th day of the 8th month of the lunar calendar. Like many other harvest festivals, it is held around the Autumn Equinox. As a celebration of the good harvest, Koreans visit their ancestral hometowns and share a feast of Korean traditional food.

;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-*

Running from the set of IG, she settled herself inside her van and checked whether her Hanbok was in place. She wiped off the lone sweat on her forehead. She could not believe she agreed to this whole plan. She couldn't believe she suggested this whole thing.

~~

4 days ago

I WISH WE COULD DO SOMETHING TRADITIONAL ON CHUSEOK, she said as she turned off the television. She was bored and in dire need of a break, even for just a few days, not even a week.

AM I BORING YOU?, he gently put down his guitar and turned to face her.

It was one of those free nights at the SS501 dorm. HJ was still recuperating from the dreaded flu, so HB volunteered to visit him there instead. The boys were out, so they had the whole apartment to themselves. They promised themselves to spend every free time they had with each other especially after HJ's hospitalization and HB's series of accidents.

IT'S NOT THAT...HB explained. I JUST WANTED A BREAK FROM THINGS AND DO SOMETHING FUN.

I KNOW, WHY NOT COME OVER FOR CHUSEOK?, he happily suggested. He just loved it when she comes over to the dorm. It felt rather good to take care of her for a change.

HB wrinkled her nose after hearing the suggestion.

OKAY, MAYBE, I CAN GO TO YOUR HOUSE?, he quickly volunteered, but instead, she shot him that stare.

YAH! KIM HYUNJOONG, I SAID SOMETHING TRADITIONAL. WHAT'S SO TRADITIONAL ABOUT ME COMING HERE OR YOU GOING TO MY APARTMENT., she was in a foul mood, and his genius ideas were not really helping.

He gave a small giggle. It amused him when she turns into a grouch. SO, WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?, he stood up and sat beside her.

I DO NOT KNOW. WHAT DO PEOPLE USUALLY DO ON CHUSEOK?, she set her head on his lap.

VISIT THEIR PARENTS, EAT, DINE, WEAR HANBOK...were HJ's suggestions.

HB stayed quiet, contemplating, trying to come up with some non-boring traditional relaxing activity for the both of them to enjoy.

I KNOW!, in one quick motion she sat up almost hitting HJ's chin with her forehead. WHY DON'T WE VISIT MY PARENTS, EAT AT HOME, AND WEAR HANBOK?, she had that childlike, very innocent smile that made her eyes twinkle with glee.

HJ swallowed the big lump on his throat. SHE DID NOT JUST MAKE THAT SUGGESTION, DID SHE?, he asked himself. NO...NO...he protested.

HB looked at him with a frown and crossed brows, WHY?

He needed an idea. Fast!, DON'T YOU HAVE GUESTINGS THEN, IT IS CHUSEOK AFTERALL., brilliant excuse.

She nodded then stood up and picked up her phone.

OPPA, WHAT'S MY SCHEDULE FOR CHUSEOK?

AH, REALLY?

OKAY!!

She smiled. OH NO! I'M IN TROUBLE, HJ thought.

I HAVE NOTHING THEN., she happily announced, I SAW YOUR SCHEDULE EARLIER AND YOU'RE NOT SCHEDULED TO WORK UNTIL THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER.

He let out a panic stricken tiny grin, he needed something to counter her idea. AHA!, he thought. BUT BEFORE WE GO TO YOUR HOUSE, MY OMMA CALLED ME EARLIER AND INVITED ME TO HAVE BRUNCH AT HOME, MY BROTHER AND FATHER'S BEEN BUGGING ME ABOUT YOU, YOU KNOW. THEY LET MY OMMA ARRANGE THIS BRUNCH, SO THAT THEY COULD MEET YOU. He was not lying, his Omma did call earlier to check on him and invite HB to brunch on Chuseok, but he declined thinking what a riot it would be when his younger brother meets her and how his mother would pressure him to marry her soon.

Okay, she wouldn't lie, she was starting to panic, HE'S BLUFFING, I KNOW HE IS!, she convinced herself. As if all the pressure from his bright eyed and young female fans were not enough to push her past sanity, then he announces a meeting with his family on Chuseok of all days. HE'S JUST NERVOUS ABOUT MEETING MY PARENTS AND BROTHER, HE'S BLUFFING, she continued to coax herself.

FINE, she bravely announced. Hyunjoong could sense the panic and thought, SHE'S GONNA GIVE UP ON THE IDEA AFTER A FEW DAYS.

~~

Now, here she was on her way to the Kim's residence fully dressed in Hanbok. It didn't really help that she has not had sleep. She cursed at him silently, HE EVEN MADE HIS MOTHER CALL TO CONFIRM, she said to herself. Her heart was pounding. She never thought meeting her boyfriend's family would be this nerve wracking.

When she finally arrived at the address, she saw him patiently waiting at the gate. He looked so cute in his traditional clothes, and for awhile, it made her forget what she was doing at that very moment. The bow. Some small talks. At brunch, it was no surprise to Hyunjoong that the conversations started to flow easily. There was even some laughter from Hwangbo, and not the nervous kind. He smiled at her mischievously as she offered to slice the fruits. She just smirked, knowing that she was defeated in her plot.

In the afternoon, Hyunjoong found himself parking in a not so familiar driveway. His hands started to shake when he heard a man's voice from the heavy doors, HYE JUNG!! He was right. It was her father. He met Hwangbo's Omma a few times and he was very at ease with her, but meeting her Appa and Oppa was making him dizzy. She gave him an evil grin before running to the door to give her Appa a hug. And as if he was not nervous enough, another man came out to greet them-her Oppa.

LET ME GUESS, SHE MADE YOU WEAR THAT, Hwangbo's Oppa laughed. DON'T BE FOOLED BY HER ANTICS, he added, patting his shoulder. Hwangbo approached him, gave him a peck on the cheek and whispered, I LOVE YOU, SHILLANG, then hurriedly went inside after sticking out her tongue. CHILDISH BRAT, he silently cursed at her.

It shocked him. He didn't feel nervous even after just a few minutes inside the house. It was like dealing with 2 other Hyejungs. Both men were funny and really easy to get along with. Hyunjoong found Hwanbo smiling at him while he was sharing stories with her father and brother.

They went home later than expected. Hyunjoong didn't think he'd enjoy their company so much, while Hwangbo was animatedly described her experience that the Kim's to her Omma.

While Hyunjoong was concentrating on driving, Hwangbo comfortably settled her head on his shoulders then let out a sigh. YOU IMPRESSED ME KIM HYUNJOONG. YOU DID A GOOD JOB., she whispered.

Hyunjoong let out a hearty giggle. YEAH, ME TOO. I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH, BUIN. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME THERE AND ACTUALLY GOING TO MY HOUSE EVEN IF I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MURDER ME WITH THOSE DEATH STARES OF YOURS.

Hwangbo's cheeks turned red, IT WAS NOT A BAD IDEA, RIGHT?, she chuckled.

Hyunjoong parked the car at the main entrance of her Apartment Building, Hwangbo quietly stepped out of the car and went to the driver's side. He opened the window for her. Hwangbo stooped to give him a kiss on the cheek. She turned to leave without a word. She took a few steps. Hyunjoong watched her, but she turned around and walked back to the car. AREN'T YOU SPENDING THE NIGHT?, she announced in the sexiest voice she could muster. She turned around and started walking towards the lobby again. Hyunjoong found himself grinning from ear to ear. He immediately climbed out of the car and followed his Buin. THIS MUST BE MY REWARD FOR BEING A GOOD BOY TODAY, he thought. THANK GOD FOR CHUSEOK AND TRADITION, he said loud enough for Hwangbo to hear.

So Goodbye

author's note: inspired by so goodbye, by sogyumo acacia band.

hwangbo's goodbye...geesh, i hope it does not turn out this way...

::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[

5:00 am. That's how early the day starts for her. She's now in the van in heavy tinted big glasses, a warm jacket and denim jeans. It's cold. The dawn has always been cold for her these days, especially that it's almost winter. She slept quite early last night, but it seems like she could not get enough sleep for the past few days. She has been busy, very busy touring North America, then Europe. She's learned to smile and laugh again. In fact, she has mastered that laugh and smile so fake that no one will notice that it was forced. Now that she's back home, she has been spacing out and her brain keeps on wandering to other places, wondering about other people-a person to be very particular. She has not done this for a long time. All this time, she thought she could forget and just let go of ideas and the feeling that person actually brought. She could not help it. Now, she's back to square one. Why is she longing for that person again when it has been almost a year since their make believe ended?


6:30 am. Still in the van. She's going somewhere out of town. Somewhere quiet and peaceful. Somewhere no one knows her and she is not a singer nor a celebrity. She's off somewhere where she can be one with her loneliness and longing for her someone. She even decided to not use her cellphone with her manager's permission of course. Just for a day, she pleaded. But of course, that was impossible. Since her manager will not be able to join her, a PA was necessary. After much ramblings and reasons, it was decided that she could be away from her phone and that her PA will be the one to bring it while they were headed to the location.

7:01 am. They have finally arrived. It was a long ride, but worth it, she thought. A deep breath. A long sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment, and it was all dark. Nothing to see, nothing, but darkness. She took off her jacket and stretched. This was what she needed. This was what she was longing for. She took off her flipflops still with eyes closed and felt the sand tickling her toes. The beach, she sighed. As she opened her eyes, she could feel the warmth of the early morning sun. Definitely, what she needed, and again she let out a long sigh. The light salty breeze was like a powerful potion that she was not prepared for.

7:08 am. As she began strolling by the beach waiting for the other van, she passed a writing on the shoreline. It was faded and could no longer be read. Then, it hit her. This was what they used to do. She felt the pang in her heart. Her heart started to betray her. It was beating rapidly, like someone or something was chasing her. Only then did she realize that her heart was still functioning after all. She cursed silently. Traitor, she screamed to herself as she put her hand on her chest. She strolled on.

10:23 am. She was surrounded with kids now. Talking and singing. Playing around. Doing goofy stuff she used to do before they met. It was something she missed about herself, something she loved doing. In the sea of unfamiliar faces, she found herself again.

10:35 am. As she sat on the wooden chair inside the hall, she realized she could forget that person, too, if she really tried. It was after all just on screen acting.

6:15 pm. It was a long way back to the city. She's been thinking really hard about it. She's been looking for signs everywhere. She put on her headphones, something she normally did when she was confused and needed some sort of guidance and light. The playlist was shuffled,Junjin, must have used this the other day, she thought. And there it was, the sign she has been looking for. The soft strumming of the guitar strings. The easy melody. The warm female voice. There it was on her iPod in her bag which was in the Van since her arrival at the beach outside the city.

So Goodbye
I think I should have told you that I'm still yours
so goodbye my love
So Goodbye.


This was her sign, right? She desperately asked the heavens. An answer, please.

7:25 pm. In her apartment. In front of her closet, she stood for almost 15 minutes now. Afraid to open the doors, but she had to if this is the only way she knew how. It has never been opened for a long time. But she had to. Right here, right now.

7:35 pm. Going though boxes of old things and papers-paper cranes. She has kept them still, thinking it was something special. She dragged two boxes out, and placed them in front of her unused fireplace. It is time.

I here the birds singing It's time to go
so Goodbye my friend.

7:41 pm. The fire started to make a crackling sound. One by one, she threw in every piece of clothing. Couple clothes, as he called them. It was something he never wanted to wear-not at first anyway. But there are things people do for the sake of high TV ratings and popularity. In the fireplace is where they belong now. What a waste. Then followed the things he bought from Japan. What was she thinking asking for disposable panties anyway? She laughed at herself. Was I that comfortable with him to ask for such personal things? She shook her head in embarrassment. At least, she could courageously laugh at it now. Agreeing to do that TV program was a joke, and not long after, she became the joke when she fell for a boy who was acting on camera. Wait, we were only acting. Agh! What was I thinking? For that, she almost hit herself.

I thought, You would do but I was wrong
Now, I see myself still left alone
Now, I think I know where I belong

8:50 pm. She's finally woken up from her long stupor. She allowed herself to become the joke. She did not know when it happened, but it just did. Before she closed her eyes one night, all she could think about was him and how he was doing. For a time back then, she even stopped thinking about herself and made him her priority. She never told him. She never told anyone. She kept him a secret in her heart, but what she did that was so wrong and absurd was when she actually started to believe that the acting they did on camera was sincere and real. It was all for the show, she should have realized. But she crossed the line anyway. The sweet things he did and said, they were not what he really felt. He was young and dreamy. He was up for an adventure. Although, he was thankful for the lessons she taught him, for the care and being there to support him, love or something like it was the last thing on his mind. He was a professional in his craft alright, but he had other priorities. He did not look at her like the way she started to see him. To him, she was a co-worker, nothing more, nothing less. And although that fact hurt her, she still jumped across. And now, she's woken up from her deep comma. She's finally awake. She did not want to see herself fall deeper.

Now, she was ready to bid him farewell.

Now, I don't want to let this life go on
No more, no more

9:15 pm. She pulled yet another box from under her bed. They were the pictures of them together. The first day in that beautiful island, the pictures in their so-called 'new home' then their apartment, him wearing the knitted scarf, the vest, the contract, the dining table, the guitars. They all turned to ashes as she sprinkled their memories to the blazing fire. More pictures sent chills to her spine. The wedding photos, the trips with their co-workers, the trips they took alone. The theme park. Walking the streets of Tokyo, Japan. Their so-called family picture with Jins-her dog. The endless competitions. Her with his bandmates. All of them have turned to what they should have been in the first place. Ashes. Ashes left behind by bittersweet memories.

So Goodbye
Those bittersweet memories once so lovely

11:20 pm. She was ready for bed. She lay there staring blankly at the ceiling. She felt uneasy, like something had to be done, but she did not know what. All things that they shared were all ashes now. Then she heard a sound. There was a message on her cellphone. She crept up to her bedside table and picked up her hand phone. She read the message. 'Happy Birthday, Noona', it said. From: Guljo. She smiled bitterly, but her birthday was a week from now. There it was, the last straw, the final confirmation she needed. He remembered her, but he could no longer remember the details like before. With this, she gave up. There was no need for a reply. Without thinking twice, she deleted the message. It was goodbye. Then, his number was deleted. It was her final goodbye.

So Goodbye, I'm gone
So Goodbye

11:52 pm. Still staring at the last photo in her cellphone that they took together, she let out a sigh. It was impossible, but d@mned, it could have been so good, she thought. She stared at his eyes, and bid him farewell. Then she deleted that last memory. It was all gone now. She finally said goodbye. It was her time to move on and move up somehow.

Those pretty stary eyes once just for me
So Goodbye, i'm gone

Letting Go

author's note: This was written on a whim. I should be sleeping now because I have a fully loaded day tomorrow, but the sandman has not visited me yet and earlier I found my old Acoustic CD compilation. LET ME BE THE ONE by Jimmy Bondoc (if you guys don't know the song, it's really good...oldies but goodies, as they say) started playing and I just got lost in the moment...

::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[ ::) :-[

Hyejung let out a smirk followed by a sarcastic laugh. She cannot believe she’s having one of those ‘I told you so’ moments. The words she was hearing now were not something funny. In fact, the conversation she was having now was dead serious.

COOL OFF, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?, she sputtered.

I’M SORRY BUIN, IT’S NOT ME---, Hyunjoong stopped when she laughed even harder.

PUHLEASE! ARE YOU SERIOUS?? DON’T TELL ME..IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU, RIGHT?…many would think she was crazy to laugh in this situation, but somehow something in her found it mockingly funny. This scene has played in her head so many times before that she was no longer surprised to be actually hearing it now. Somehow, she saw this coming, like it was right around the corner. IT WAS ONLY GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, she thought looking at her Shillang—soon to be ex-Shillang—seriously this time. Then she smiled, her face looking sincere.

LET’S NOT MAKE IT HARD ON EACH OTHER, HYUNJOONG, she said touching his face with her right hand. IT WAS ONLY GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, she echoed what was in her head.

He looked up at her, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HYE JUNG? The tension was suddenly rising in his voice.

LET’S END IT NOW. LET’S END IT WHILE YOU AND I ARE STILL FRIENDS, Hyejung explained as she took the empty seat right across from where Hyunjoong sat.

The man-child was caught off guard. He looked confused. All he wanted was some time, but it seemed like Hyejung has thought about it for the longest time.

THERE’S REALLY NO USE FOR US TO CONTINUE LIKE THIS. I’M SETTING YOU FREE, BESIDES, ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? TIME? I’M GIVING YOU ALL THE TIME YOU NEED AWAY FROM ME., she found the courage to say. She was probably hurting more than him, but if being happy and gaining her pride back would mean letting go of someone she might or might not love, she was willing to risk it.

Things have been falling apart between them. They were great at the start, but work and many other factors got in the way. Promises were broken and soon, having to see each other was even becoming too stressful and caused a lot of pain. Arguments sparked over the most useless and nonsensical of things. They said they liked each other, but neither ever confessed feeling love. It was a semi relationship, as Hyejung’s friends called it. And eventually, Hyejung started to doubt him, she started to doubt herself. How long she can hold on, she did not know until now.

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, HYEJUNG, he tried to contest, but Hyejung has made up her mind.

NO, she said softly, LET’S NOT DO THIS ANYMORE, LET’S STOP PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY BECAUSE IT IS NOT. NOTHING IS OKAY BETWEEN US. LET’S STOP BEFORE WE START HURTING EACH OTHER SO BADLY THAT WE START HATING EACH OTHER.

BUT, I WILL TRY BUIN, JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME. A LITTLE TIME, he said holding on to her hand.

THEN TELL ME, HYUNJOONG, DO YOU LOVE ME? DO YOU LOVE ME AT ALL TO BELIEVE THAT THIS WOULD WORK BETWEEN US?, she asked taking her hand from his tight but gentle grasp.

He stayed silent. Love was something he was not sure he found yet. He knew she was important, he knew she was someone who could make him smile, he knew she was someone who could fill his stomach with butterflies, but there were also the countless arguments they had and the pain and the jealousy. He wanted to shout YES, but he was not sure yet. He stayed glued to his seat for what seemed to be an eternity.

YOU CANNOT ANSWER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SURE YET, AND I DO NOT WANT TO PRESSURE YOU. LET’S NOT DO THIS ANYMORE HYUNJOONG. LET’S STOP BEFORE IT GOES BAD. LET ME LET YOU GO, Hyejung kissed him on the forehead and headed out the door.

When he looked up, it was too late. She had gone out the door and out of his life forever.

Slowly

author's note:Inspired by the Glen Hansard song that I am sure all of you know by heart(if not, then you're not a Joongbo-er..hehe...kidding!!). I was not so sure about the title though, I know there's a another beautiful fic entitled 'Falling Slowly (which was the original title of my fic), so I thought it'd be best to change it.

Don't ask me why Falling Slowly turned out to be a sad fic, I also have no clue why the story went that way ???...And pardon my poor attempts in making sad fics, I'm just not too sure if they're sad enough...

:-[ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'( :-/ :'(

HOW COULD HIS HEART BETRAY HIM NOW?, he thought as he gasped for air. They were on their way back to the city. OH, WHY DID I EVER OFFER A RIDE WHEN HER CAR BROKE DOWN, he muttered to himself. Taping was officially done, and this was their last day together. He will be pretty busy soon, with all those projects lined up. And she, who knows what she will be doing. She never talks about it anyway. She never talks about it with him anyway. A pang of pain washed over his beating heart. It never really occurred to him that this was the last day until now, at this very moment while she was riding with him in his band's van. They were alone at the back seat. He couldn't help but stare at her. She was already asleep. SHE MUST BE VERY TIRED, he thought. He was right beside her, but it felt like she was so distant, like a star one could only watch from afar. He started cursing himself. I SHOULD HAVE MADE MORE EFFORT TO GET CLOSER TO HER, he said to himself, but he let his indecision and stupidity get in the way. As they passed by faint street lights that touched her now caramel colored skin, she shone. And there she was, sleeping beauty—no make-up, no fancy facial products. She was so close and they were together almost everyday, but it was hardest to know her more. Maybe because he was afraid. And there were so many inhibitions in his heart. So many what ifs and maybes, but now, there is no more chance to unravel the mystery that was beside him sleeping like the true angel that she really was.

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that

There were many chances, many opportunities, but he let them escape in his bare hands. Jeju, Japan, their lavish apartment then the simpler one, the tours with other fake couples, their own tours, Pusan. But he was a coward. She made every effort, but he was afraid to let his guard down. Afterall, it was him who announced several years ago that he would not fall for someone older. She initiated so many talks and small conversations, but he was thinking too much and never let the small talks flow. And if he did, it was when the camera was rolling. She was nice to him on and off camera, but then again, she was nice to everyone. It seemed to him like they were both playing games with each other, then skirting around each other when they were not taping.

Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

He had exactly an hour or so to make his move, but how can he wake her from her slumber. He does not know what to do. He touched her head lightly, but she just stirred and continued sleeping. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD, SHE'S HERE NOW. NOW IS MY CHANCE, he said to himself, hoping for some assurance and sign. He muttered her name softly. HMMM?, was all she said, trying to rub the sleep off her eyes. ARE WE HERE NOW?, she asked him. NO, BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, he finally found the courage to say. It's now or never.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

She looked at him intently, curious at what he was about to say. She waited with those eyes like an angel. Thoughts ran through his head. Staring at her was like taking a vacation in the most relaxing island. It was soothing and good. It was almost like heaven. It was like all his troubles went away. Then her lips twitched to a soft small smile. NOW, HE WAS REALLY IN HEAVEN, he thought. Everything that worried him, every problem, struggle or pain he had was washed away when he saw her smile at him. It's was like the world stopped turning, and they were the only two people in the world at that very moment. He was definitely lost. Lost in his love for her, and he hoped he was lost forever.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

YOU WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING?, she conveniently asked him. But he was lost in thoughts, like holding her in his arms all day long, a vacation with her, making breakfast together, making her feel like a princess, a morning run with her, watching movies together, having her watch his concerts, watching her sing for him, waiting for her during her taping, have her wait for him at home with a good home cooked meal on the table that she lovingly prepared for him, buying her flowers, wearing all those things she made for him, having his fans harass her and talk nasty things about her on the net. WAIT, HIS FANS, he thought. It has happened before, hasn't it? People started rumors about her. They were saying that she was a crude and that she was a bad influence to him. There were even sexual addiction rumors that he could not dismiss. He even had to call a press conference to clear that up. People started to pull her down when this show started, and sadly, he must admit, it was all because of him. Although, she never talked about it with him, he knew she was affected. A common friend once mentioned she could not get out of her apartment complex because there were anti fans waiting for her outside. They went to the point of hating her so much that his fans caused trouble at one of her mini concerts. She has been working so hard to build a good image for herself and she has been extra careful with all the people she met. He could not be the cause of the destruction of something she worked so hard for. And that was it. His love for her was so deep, he thought, he should give up and let someone who deserved her more be the one for her, be the only one for her. IT'S TIME SHE WON, he thought. He shook his head with sad eyes, NO, I JUST THOUGHT YOU WANTED SOMETHING TO EAT, he said. I'M FINE, she answered, still with a smile on her lips. THANKS BY THE WAY FOR SHARING YOUR RIDE WITH ME, she added. He nodded.

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

He turned away. He has given up. Now, all he could do is care for her and watch her from a distance. He did not want to cause her more pain than what she has suffered from their make believe. He lived in reality, too. Slowly, he fell for her, slowly he should learn to let go of her if he can, otherwise, he will remain a spectator of this beautiful star forever. As long as she is happy, he would be happy for her, and it won't matter if his heart would ache forever.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody

I'll sing along

Of Perfect Dates and Allergies

Here's the after effect of being left at home for eating too much of gramp's bicol express and suffering from another major tummy ache with all my cousins heading out to play paint ball---a fanfic..

:o ;D :o ;D :o ;D :o ;D :o ;D :o ;D

She checked her reflection on the full length mirror one last time. Her hair flowed just past her shoulders. Unlike most days of the week, she had no make up on, just some moisturizer and a dab of gloss on her lips. The yellow sundress fit her perfectly. The halter straps showed off her sexy collar bones. SEXY WITHOUT REVEALING ANYTHING, he said when he gave it to her a week ago. She smiled at the girl staring right back at her. THIS IS NO GIRL, THIS IS A WOMAN, A FULL GROWN WOMAN. She was satisfied. She smoothed the dress, then spun around, enjoying how the skirt flowed as she continued to spin some more. There was no need to wear heels to day, so she opted to wear the flattest pair pf white sandals she could find. A touch of her favorite perfume on her perfectly glowing skin add that tiny smile of excitement she's been trying to contain, then she was ready.

BUIN, BUIN! He called out. Hyunjoong entered the bedroom door dressed in tattered jeans, a really old and stained maroon shirt, messy hair and a bead of sweat on top of his left eyebrow.

THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!WHY ISN'T HE READY YET?? Hwangbo asks herself. Both of them have been preparing and planning this day for two months now, but nothing seems to be going right. OF COURSE! Hwangbo realized as she pushed herself off the bed. HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN ASLEEP?, she asks

HMM, I'M NOT SURE. YOU WERE SLEEPING WHEN I CAME, JUNJIN HYUNG LET ME IN, Hyunjoong answers after setting a tray with porridge and vegetable soup on her bedside table.

Hwangbo suddenly felt guilty. She just ruined everything. They have not seen each other for two months now, and they have been planning to spend time together, She remembered the countless email exchanges as they planned for this, how hard it was for both of them to actually be able to get a day off from work while they were both in Korea, how Hyunjoong had to work overtime to learn his songs, dance routines and scripts just so they could get some free time, how they once argued and ended up fighting on the phone over which restaurant they should dine in. Hwangbo sat on the bed when her world suddenly spun. WHOA!!, she tried to balance herself as Hyunjoong reached for her.

I'M FINE...I'M—-she was suddenly distracted with her own reflection—hair pulled in a messy bun on top of her head, a really old gray sweater from college, her favorite ahjumma pajamas, really puffy red eyes, a swollen top lip, red running nose. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY HYUNJOONG. I RUINED EVERYTHING. She sobbed.

Wearing the yellow sundress he bought from Thailand for their perfect date was a dream afterall. Last night, she should have listened to Bongsun and Boram.

The ex-Infinity Girls gathered last night for dinner. After her taping, they went straight to the restaurant where a big buffet was served and d@mn, was Hwangbo ready to ditch her diet and dig in to the food. Bongsun warned her about the no-so-fresh looking clams, but since when did Bongsun become the food expert. Boram nudged her as she set a plateful of clams on the table. THEY'RE NOT SO FRESH, she warned, but hunger got the best of Hwangbo and she ate away, YAH, AREN'T YOU ALLERGIC?...too late... Before Boram knew it, Hwangbo was already scrambling for her bag and her medicine kit

Silent tears began to flow. She was too stubborn and she hated that most about herself.

OMO! WHY ARE YOU CRYING? I DID NOT ADD CLAMS TO THE PORRIDGE, Hyunjoong joked. Hwangbo glared at him as more tears flowed. She was feeling emotional and very guilty.

I'M JUST KIDDING BUIN!! Hyunjoong sat beside her and grabbed her lightly by the waist, IT'S OKAY...

She let herself melt like ice cream in Hyunjoong's gentle embrace. I'M SO SORRY HYUNJOONG. I RUINED EVERYTHING. WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS, AND I RUINED IT. He's never seen this side of her—like a child who needed reassurance or needed someone to take care of her, He smiled at the thought of him finally getting his rare chance to take care of her. In this relationship and for as long as he could remember, she was always the one taking care of him—cooking for him, cooking for the boys, making sure he had flu shots, buying him vitamins, knitting him sweaters, flying to Japan when he was diagnosed with H1N1, doing even the most unnecessary things to make sure he was safe, happy and sound.

THERE, THERE...he pulled her closer after kissing her swollen eyelids. After a few more minutes of being snuggled inside her Shillang's embrace, her sobs finally subsided. Hyunjoong half carried her. Now, she was seated on Hyunjoong's lap. HERE, LEMME TAKE A LOOK AT YOU, Hyunjoong pushed some locks pf he hair behind her ear and wiped the visible tears on her cheeks. She was a mess. He made a mental note never to feed her clams or any not so fresh looking seafoods. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMAN NEEDED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF HER, he said to himself.

Hwangbo looked at him, then frowned. I'M SORRY FOR RUINING OUR DATE, she whispered.

HWANGBUIN, WE DO NOT NEED TO GO TO A RESTAURANT OR SOME FANCY, EXPENSIVE RESORT TO HAVE A PERFECT DATE, he kissed her again, on the swollen lip this time. YOU KNOW, THIS IS CHEESY, BUT TRUE—I FOUND PERFECTION JUST BY BEING HERE DOING EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING NOW... TAKING CARE OF YOU AND MAKING SURE YOU ARE FINE.

Her face lit up. Finally, a smile broke on her gorgeous face.

As Hyunjoong watched Hwangbo eat her porridge, he suddenly started giggling. She gave him a confused look. DO YOU KNOW WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HYEJUNG?, he suddenly asked

WEI??

NOT ONLY ARE YOU AS STRONG AS A MAN, YOU EAT LIKE A MAN, TOO. SEE THE END RESULT??

With that, a pillow suddenly came flying towards Hyunjoong's face.

PABO!! Hwangbo laughed.

The Curse

author's note: This was inspired by a poem written by a very dear friend, and was created over a week ago. I thought I lost this one under piles and piles of work last week.

Hwangbo's point of view, after a break up initiated by her.

:'( :( :'( >:( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :(

The temperature dropped after the sunset. It's now distressingly cold. The glowing firefly-like lights outside have given life to the busy streets of Seoul at night, but not inside this room. Nothing in here has life, except for the body sprawled on the cold cemented floors. It's been 8 hours and 26 minutes since she panicked and started to grasp for air. Now, she's numb, blank, emotionless and perhaps almost lifeless. She could not believe the mere sight of memories of him and her, and those what could have beens still have that life threatening effect on her. The pain becomes fresh on her mind, but she has no one else to blame but herself.

It's days like these that she hates the most—when she's idle and away from work, when she is home alone—because she remembers how she bid him farewell and how her heart was shattered and turned into ashes in the process. Traces of him are still scattered around her apartment no matter how many times she cleans up every corner of every room. Still, there are tiny reminders of him everywhere.

Now, Hwangbo is drained—emotionally, physically. Her breathing is even and more relaxed now compared to the deep, quick ones hours ago. Fatigue slowly creeps in her system. Although she stopped crying already, there are still visible traces on her lovely grief-stricken face. She closes her eyes as sleep takes over her whole being. Slowly, she releases the pen on her right hand and the crumpled piece of white paper on the other. As she quivered and hyperventilated, she thought she might as well share her affliction, and if she dies, people will then have proof that one can die from a heartbreak. Her pain and thoughts were finally revealed in that piece of innocuous paper:

Hyunjoong,

3 months, 18 days, 22 hours and 15 minutes. I lay here counting every passing minute, every struggling hour, every painful day, every cursed month since I gathered the last pieces of my courage and every last bit of my pride to say goodbye and let you go. It was the most logical thing to do. It was the right decision to make based on common sense. But, why did it hurt so bad when I uttered those words? Why did it feel like my heart was being pulled out from my chest? Why does it make me feel now like I am lying in my own pool of blood and left to die?

I can only imagine that you were struggling, too. That scene when you tried to hold back those tears is still fresh on my mind. And it hurts me most, that we have to end this way. And, even now my heart still only beats for you.

I died on that very spot and at that very moment when I said goodbye. And, when you walked away, I knew I was going to regret the decision for the rest of my life.

But then, I get curious. Did that tear you held back ever fell and stream on your face? Did the same sadness and grief struck your heart, as it did mine? Did you feel anything at all?

I am cursed. And perhaps, will forever wonder and wander around asking questions, like I am doing now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

End Note: The Curse by Elaine


I wish I didn't have to
Say goodbye and let go...
But I had to line up my pride
Like bricks, and generously
spread my common sense
Like plaster to put up the wall...
Inside the height of what I built
My heart bled a scarlet pool.
Unseen, I wade in it...
With you beyond this fortress,
I imagine that you wallow
maybe not in crimson liquid
but perhaps in purely limpid tears...
Hoping our farewell struck you
with the same sorrow,
the same misery
as I am in now.

Afterglow II

author's note: written way before Afterglow, but a friend said it had some connection.

it's like a he said, she said fic....

;) :-* ;) :-* ;) :-* ;) :-* ;) :-* ;) :-*

She stirs in bed and opens her eyes as the 1st few rays of the sun touches her face. She used to roll around in her bed king size bed, but she’s learned to sleep on one side now. She sits on the edge with eyes still closed, just enjoying the cool marble floors against her feet. She yawn and shakes off the last residues of sleep. She grabs her discarded robe and walks towards the patio. It was a fantabulous view. The condominium was chosen well, which must’ve cost a fortune. This was definitely something a Hwangbo Hyejung would never have chosen. Other than the fact that it costs too much, it was too flashy a neighborhood. It was more like a hotel suite rather than a cozy home. It had no traces of home, but it was the safest of neighborhood, away from crazy fans, paparazzi and absurd anti fans plus no media men were allowed inside not even 50 meters outside the gates. It was the safest haven for celebrities looking for some peace and quiet after work. And a hiding place to those scrutinized by the public.

She’s back to reality now as she steps inside the dim room. She stops on her tracks as the white linens rustled. A body was struggled lightly then stretches his arms and legs. A pair of lovely sleepy eyes stared at her. A smile was slowly forming on the person’s lips. GOOD MORNING, he whispers in a low raspy bedroom voice. In that very instant, she swears her heart did a triple somersault and a double back flip. Then, she smiles at him thinking, HERE’S THE REASON WHY A WHOOPING AMOUNT FOR A CONDOMINIUM UNIT WAS NECESSARY.

He flips the comforter inviting her back to bed, and she more than happily takes his offer.
________________________________

His eyes were closed, but he was fully awake now. His bed has never been this warm and comfortable before. It finally felt like he was home after years and years of soul searching. He found it amusing to have to wake up at dawn. Somehow, even in his sleep, he found it necessary to make sure the person who brought warmth and comfort was still beside him ready to flash a smile and kiss him ever so gently. He glides his hand over to the other side of the bed, searching for that person, but she was not there. Alarm finally sets in and he opened his eyes to make sure she was not playing tricks on him. But she really was not there. The early rays of the morning sun coming from the sliding doors were blocked by a familiar shadowy figure. He can rest easy now for he was more than sure it was her.

She comes in form the patio. He takes a mental note never to get such a huge place, so it’ll be easier to find her if and when she decides to wander off in the morning. He looks at her with sleepy eyes, GOOD MORNING! It was in fact more than that. To him, it was a great morning. Like a goddess appearing from the heavens above, she appeared, an apparition worth witnessing. She was a miracle that he was blessed with. He then realizes he would pay double, hell, even triple for this place where he could just spend time with her and behold such a beautiful sight each waking moment of his life. It suddenly felt like his heart was caught up in his chest when her lips broke into that radiant smile and her eyes twinkled in that amazing glow which surfaces only when she is honestly and truthfully happy.

He flips the comforter and invites her back to bed, so he could hold her tight and feel her near, she was afterall, his pride and joy.

Afterglow

author's note: this was kinda written on a whim (while i was idling, slacking, and lolling around at the office). i was inspired when i saw Hwangbo's wedding pics for the Compassion MV again for the nth time. she was really gorgeous, wasn't she? and i kinda get worried when i write from Hyunjoong's point of view, i hope i did not make him sound too gay or anything...

i'm not sure if there's another fic with the same title. i'm really sorry if there is. i had no intention to copy it.

;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-* ;D :-*

You held her hand tightly. Too tightly that it made her look back and give you that questioning look, as if asking you if there was something wrong. In one exquisite movement, she turned her head to face you. Her beauty never seems to stop leaving you in awe. Her eyes were twinkling, her mouth curved in the most delicious and gorgeous way. She was your very piece of heaven here on earth.


You smile at her and tell her to walk slowly. She smiled and whispered something about how excited she was. She stepped back and stood right beside you. You unclasped your hand from hers and held her by her ever so slim waist instead, keeping her closer to you.

You were being your possessive self again, only wanting her for yourself. No one could blame you. Your world crumbling into pieces would be an understatement to how you felt and what you experienced when the relationship was forced to end. There were too many variables in your relationship. You are Kim Hyunjoong. She is Hwangbo Hyejung. You are an idol. She was a pop star. Both of you were big celebrities and popular at that. She was older than you by six years. You were immature and still testing the waters when you realized you fell in love with her. You had raging fans who were ready to devour her and tear her to pieces. She was weak and fragile despite the tough and always happy exterior. There was mutual understanding, as how your celebrity friends put it, when asked about the your budding relationship in the past. Both of you fell inlove, but just when you thought things could actually work out, the harassment and attacks by your fans on her were too much for her to bear. It was hard on her, but she kept mum about it. It took an intervention from both your parents and your management companies to end the relationship after she almost lost her life in a car accident when she tried to avoid a large group of antifans waiting outside the studio. She agreed to the break up thinking she was depriving you of reaching the peak of your career if she tagged along. You agreed to the break up because her safety was at risk. Weeks later, she was recovering from the accident and you found peace in self destruction, working your a$$ off from day until night. You felt as if you were a robot doing things as you are told, but when you were left idle, you found yourself inside your car in front of her apartment hoping for a single glimpse of her. She tapped the window of your car one spring evening and invited you inside her apartment for a cup of tea which without any thought, you accepted. Pieces fell into place from that moment on. You loved her too much, you were willing to risk stardom just to be with her. She loved you just as much, she was willing to risk her safety for a life beside you.



Now, you stood beside her, holding her near and tight, making sure she was by your side and would never stray anywhere else. She was close enough that you can smell the faint scent of her perfume and the fruity scent of her hair. The white heavy curtains opened and a stream of white blinding light flowed through the waiting area. Hyejung looked up at you, nervous and unsure. You grinned at her and asked, READY HWANG BUIN? She closed her eyes for a second and swallowed the lump that was forming on her throat, she tiptoed, gave you a small kiss on the cheek, grinned and nodded, YES SHILLANG.


You took her hand and interlaced your fingers with hers. Hand in hand you step into the small stage prepared in a low key courtyard of a countryside garden resort. The camera flashes, crowd's cheers and applause were overwhelming.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. AND MRS. KIM HYUNJOONG, the emcee's voice blared out on the speakers. You could not believe you are officially starting a life with her. Moments ago, you exchanged vows and professed your love for each other infront of the people who mattered most in both your lives. It was like a dream come true for people who only wanted to be with each other and spend every waking hour beside the person they loved the most. You both waved at the familiar faces around you. It was a relief and felt so much better to share this moment with the important people in your lives. And it felt especially good to be able to shout to the world that you were both inlove.


Not long after both of you decided to start the relationship again, you decided that it was best to keep it a secret for her sake and safety. It took double effort and twice the energy for her and you to actually hide the sparks that were flying even when the two of you were being linked to other people. It especially did not help that there were fans CSIing and spazzing over every piece of clothing and jewelry you both wore on shows and public appearances, but it only confirmed that somehow there were still people who believe in your relationship with her and that love you have for each other.


She was grinning ear to ear now. It was the same smile she wore when you proposed to her. No one can deny how happy she looked and how happy she was. You thought it was the happiness that made her glow and even if she was made to wear an ugly or old wedding gown, she would still look like a goddess divine.


When the audience asked for a kiss, she hesitated. She hated all those cutesy stuff more than you did, but you held her by the waist again, she could not escape and you held on to her despite her protests. I'M GONNA KISS YOU NOW, you whispered. Once your lips touched, she stopped squirming and succumbed to the succulent bobo. You smiled, like you just tasted the sweetest kind of victory. She smiled sheepishly and hid her face on your chest. This was kind of new to her, being out in public, besides this was only your 2nd kiss infront of everyone.


Her face was all red when she looked at you, THAT WAS KINDA ADDICTING, she said with a childlike grin. Without waiting for anything else, you pressed you lips down to hers. The rest of the world faded when your lips touched. You love this endearing woman, and she is yours and yours alone.

Wouldn't Be Here

author's note: this one's kinda cheesy, and so belinda carlisle...this was my HK issue aftershock.....


:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8-) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-/ :-* :'(

Questions have been hounding her all week long.

Won't you at least call to comfort him? Noona, do you know he has gained lots of anti fans? Aren't you even just a little concerned about him? Did he even matter to you? He's really hurt, you know? Have you seen him lately? He's a mess!

She could no longer stand it. She was angry...confused..helpless..hopeless..

Questions kept on piling up in her head.

Couldn't they give me some peace of mind? Can't they see that I am tired and need some comforting, too? Can't they see that I am as hurt and wounded as he will ever be?

Afterall, it was not her playing hooky in Hong Kong, and it definitely was not him celebrating his birthday alone and in despair.

Yes, they have parted. Things have been complicated between them. Neither Hwangbo nor Hyunjoong could fulfill the promise they made after the show. Things worked out for the first few months, but activities and events piled up, and some were more demanding than others. Some even took all their personal time. And then, there was lesser communication between them. She did not want to be the first to call because she thought she did not want to seem desperate. But the ugly truth was that she was missing him so badly that she found herself awake all night if not crying herself to sleep. On the other hand, he could not make time to call her for they were always in different timezones. He was dying of exhaustion and did not want her to see him that way, thus the break up.

She knew it was coming. She read all the signs. They were after all too obvious not to be read nor seen nor heard. She was just in denial and was still holding on to some pieces of their so-called love affair and promises.

He had to do it although his closest friends and even those who hated him for stealing her were taunting him never to hurt her. He knew exactly how easy it was to break her, she was after all a fragile soul inside her angelic yet tough exterior. He has been hating himself for even thinking about the idea, but if he did not do it now, they would end up hating each other and letting the relationship go to waste.

Everything was said and done on a beautiful May afternoon. There were no tears shed, no harsh words, not a trace of pain nor heartache when they faced each other. She went home. He moved on. She couldn't get out of bed the following day. He wasted away during practices causing physical exhaustion and fatigue.

They both went on with their busy lives without saying a word. They were afterall adults who could handle their private lives or so they thought.
________________________________________

August 16. Hwangbo's birthday. News broke out. Hyunjoong's alleged rendezvous in the busy Hong Kong streets.

She was hurt, but pretended not to know. He was feeling guilty and embarrassed. All he wanted to do was explain to her that it was not what it seemed. All she wanted was a little truth from his mouth. But he could not do it and she never got to hear the words that she wanted to hear.

All she had were news or rumors of what happened or the usual he-said-she-said-they-said from the grueling and complicated world of show business. Fans all over Asia reacted, even those from the Western world. His trash talking anti-fans grew in large numbers. She pretended unfazed by the whole issue. She was hurt and this whole fiasco he got himself into was all his doing, but what she didn't know was that it was all because of her.

All he could do right now was to wait and hope for the best. He asked about her reaction from friends, but there was no news about how she was digesting all the crap. He could not care less about the world's reaction, they didn't know the truth. He pretended unaffected, but it was obvious how frustrated he was that his fans reacted that way. He was hurt and the whole fiasco was all his fault, but what he did not know was that she was hurting with him, too.
________________________________________

The world that surrounded her was full of questions. Now, she could not believe that even her friends were doubting and asking her questions even if they all knew what the answer was. She had to escape, and there was only one way she knew how. With her car keys in hand, she was marching away from the set location.

Where are you going? Her manager asked.

Out!, she shouted back

Without saying much, she revved up the engine and drove away to God knows where. Before she knew it, she was making her way down a familiar street and parked her car in the familiar driveway. She wanted some answers and she's going to get some, but most of all, she wanted to comfort and be with him even if her brain was protesting and her heart thumping like a madman's.
________________________________________

She patiently waited for someone to answer the door.

Noona? Hyungjun said in astonishment.

Another head popped out from inside. Kyu peeked in, and dragged HB inside, Come in, Noona. He's inside.

Youngsaeng saw her come in. He looked at her with a worried expression, It was all my fault Noona. I am to be blamed, please don't be angry at him.

Hwangbo looked at him with pity. How she wished she could say it was okay, and that she was okay with everything. Her heart was in pain, but she could not do anything because they were over.

Jungmin, who always seemed harsh and distant, approached her, put his hands on her shoulder and asked her the question no one dared to ask not even herself, Noona, are you okay? I mean for real, are you okay?

Tears almost slipped from her eyes. She smiled at him, then shook her head. For a long agonizing second, she thought she was stuck in the moment. For the first time, she was able to admit that she was not okay.

Where is he?, she finally brought herself to ask. Jungmin pointed out to the room adjacent to where they were standing. She walked slowly as 4 pairs of eyes looked on.
________________________________________

Knock. Knock.

Come in, Hyunjoong answered.

She tugged at the door knob hoping not to make any kind of noise. She stepped in and closed the door behind her.

The room was poorly lit. The only light was from the setting sun outside.

Hi, she said in a whisper.

He was not expecting this surprise. The awkwardness was suffocating them.

She managed to smile, hoping to ease any tension or pressure or maladroitness between them in this small space.

It was obvious in his eyes that he was surprised by the sudden visit and he was not prepared for this encounter. He was busy packing or at least pretending to be busy, so that the other guys wouldn't pester him again.

Somehow her sudden appearance made him less wary, making him feel like everything was going to be alright. He could feel his heart jumping out of his chest, the kind that people experience when they are happy. Although he could not read her expression nor tell what her purpose of coming here was, he suddenly rekindled the feeling when he first realized just how much he loved her and how important she was in his life.

You came..., was all he could mutter after ages of silence.

Yeah, I just..she started

A sudden loss of words..

I just..I..

Stuttering..

I..ah.. I just..I just wanted to know if you're okay.


I didn't hear anything for the past few months, and the incident. I had to hear everything from you, I had to see if..if you're fine..if the rumors were true..

Then the sudden onslaught of words came from her mouth.

There were things I had to know..from you. I was worried, and people were saying bad things, mean things. I just had to know if you're fine..if you are okay...

Hwangbo dropped her head, trying to hide the sudden surge of tears. The anger was overpowered by the love she has been keeping in her heart. She could not help it. Her shoulders started to shudder.

Hyunjoong stood up from the piles and piles of clothing.

Buin..

He started towards her.

It would be a lie to say I'm fine, but...but now that you're here, I think I am going to be alright.

He wanted to reassure her. The words that came out of his mouth were the truth. Suddenly, he felt like he could overcome anything knowing that she still cared.

He took a few more steps closer, and held her in a tight embrace.

They were like two puzzle pieces that fit each other perfectly, one is meaningless without the other. It was like everything made sense when they were together.


I'm so sorry I let you go. I am sorry for hurting you.

He whispered as he held her even tighter.

Words will never be enough, Buin, but believe me, it was not what it seemed.

She has never heard him so sincere and serious. His voice started to crack, choking between what seemed to her as sobs.

For a long time they held on to each other, neither wanting to let go.

Hyunjoong broke the sweetest, most passionate embrace, and gathered the courage to ask.

Despite what happened, and the rumors, and those things they are saying about me, will you still be there for me? Will you still love me, Hyejung?

Hwangbo fell silent. She didn't have to think of an answer to his question.

Wasn't it obvious already?, she thought, but she knew he needed reassurance.

I am here, aren't I? I would not be here if I did not love you, Hyunjoong...

Accidents

author's note: if i remember it right, this was written after Hwangbo's series of accidents and Hyunjoong's return from Japan after recovering from the H1N1 flu/virus.

:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8-) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-/ :-* :'(

It was no longer fun for Hyunjoong to be going in and out of the hospital for the last few weeks. There was his hospitalization in Japan, then his constant check-ups, but the worst one was having to rush home to Korea after learning from a news channel that she was in an accident that almost wrecked her car. As if fate was not done teasing him, another bad news came.

THIS WOMAN MUST HAVE BAD LUCK ON HER SIDE, he thought to himself after giving the company driver the hospital's address. He was cursing silently at the adventurous woman. It would have helped if she informed him herself, but as usual, she claims to be a self driven, strong, independent woman, thus she insisted on not telling him any bad news about her. It was good that Hyunjoong bribed her assistant to always inform him about her whereabouts.

THAT WOMAN IS GONNA HEAR FROM ME, but despite his anger, worry started rising and making his nerves all jumpy as sweat started to develop on the tip of his nose. IF ONLY I COULD FLY, he nervously thought.

He tried humming a tune, but the weird pictures of her in a pool of blood or blood gushing out of her pretty head started to swarm his distressed brain.

It took a good 20 minutes to reach the Inha University Hospital.

After thanking the driver, her assistant greeted and lead him to the hospital's back door to avoid any media or paparazzi waiting outside. He rubbed his sweaty palms together before opening the private suite.

It was a ghastly 5 seconds for the idol as he watched two doctors and at least five nurses around her. His imaginations started to run wildly. He stood immobile at the door thinking, WHAT IF SHE LOST A LOT OF BLOOD, WHAT IF THERE WAS A HEMORRHAGE IN HER BRAIN, WHAT IF SHE WAS IN DEEP COMMA, WHAT IF SHE HAD AMNESIA, WHAT IF SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER HIM, WHAT IF THERE WERE MAJOR CONTUSIONS THAT COULD CAUSE FURTHER DAMAGE?

Just then her personal assistant announced his arrival, UNNI, HYUN JOONG OPPA CAME.

Hyunjoong snapped out of his thoughts and stared as the Doctors stepped aside to allow him full view of the patient.

Shocked, she sat up properly, trying to hide the bandage on her head with her hair and wrapping her blue silk robe trying to cover the hospital gown she was wearing. Hyunjoong narrowed his eyes as if trying to examine what further damage the accident caused. Hwangbo offered him a small guilty grin, as if begging him not to start his litany until the doctors and nurses leave.

SHE HAS THAT UH-OH EXPRESSION ON HER FACE AGAIN, he said to himself, SHE BETTER BE READY..

Hyunjoong stayed silent, waiting for the nurses and doctors to finish the check-up. After a couple more minutes, her assistant ushered the Medical team out to where her manager was.

Hyunjoong waited then tilted his head sidewards as if waiting for her to speak first. Again, she flashed him the small guilty smile.

ACTING CUTE WILL NOT HELP HWANGBO HYEJUNG, he said in a stern voice that slightly shocked her.

She bowed her head, I'M SORRY, she said in almost a whisper. BUT I'M FINE, SHILLANG, I REALLY AM. THE MANAGER WAS JUST EXAGGERATING.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT, HYEJUNG, he argued staring straight at her.

She continued to bow her head. Hyunjoong took a few steps closer and reached for her chin. He slowly raised her head so that she could look at him and he could see her face.

I KNOW I PROMISED LAST TIME THAT I'D BE MORE CAREFUL, I'M SORRY, then she looked away.

Seeing that she was okay, he let out a smirk. I GUESS YOU HURT YOUR HEAD BADLY, DIDN'T YOU?, he asked.

Hwangbo was confused.

THAT'S STILL NOT THE POINT BUIN, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THE CAR ACCIDENT, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS ONE, he said taking her into his arms.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET WORRIED..

THINK ABOUT IT, BUIN, WOULDN'T I BE MORE WORRIED IF I LEARNED IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY THOSE TABLOIDS OR INTERNET NEWS SOURCES?, he explained, then gave the bandage a light kiss.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY, she admitted defeat. He was right after all.

HERE LEMME SEE YOU, Hyunjoong stepped back to take a look at Hwangbo. It still angered him to see the bandage on her head, but the CT Scans showed that she was alright. His heart can finally go beat in its normal pace. YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK KINDA CUTE IN THAT HOSPITAL GOWN AND A BANDAGE ON YOUR SICK HEAD, BUIN.

For the first time in their relationship, he felt like it was his turn to take care of her, and that made him feel d.amn good.