Of Leaving and Love

author's note:this was an old one from PB....i just wanted all my fics in one place, if ever i decide to delete accounts at certain forums...but this one i'll definitely keep because i created this all for the love of Hwangbo...

my little PB note:this was done on a whim. i just saw that fancam of hyunjoong leaving for japan, and thought of this...

i hope it's not that bad...

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Hyunjoong.

It has been a cruel ritual of yours when you leave her early in the morning to go somewhere in Asia. While the rest of your members are happy and excited, as your manager gets terribly busy, and as the fans get unruly and overjoyed to see SS501 in concert or in their country for a guesting, you feel your heart breaking as you watch her sleep in your bed. Leaving her is a burden you have to endure every now and then. Sometimes, well most of the time, you wish you could put her in your bag, safe and sound, and take her with you wherever you go. You've attached yourself to her too much that work becomes a burden, but no one can blame you. The time you spend with each other is always precious and few and the greatest secret the industry has kept. You were busy and so was she. You are a celebrity and so is she. You always wish you could just come forward and announce to the public that you are in love with the only woman you'll marry in this lifetime, but of course, her safety comes first and you have to fulfill her wish which is to not ruin your career by making your relationship public.

You watch her breathing, slow and steady. It gives you so much joy to watch her and know that she is there with you, for real. You sit beside her in bed, you let your fingers walk down her sexy caramel back. She stirs at the sensation without opening her eyes. Watching her sleep has been part of your ritual, then kissing her ever so softly as to not wake her up. You head for the door as quickly and quietly as you can knowing that if you stay a second longer, you would be stuck to where you are seated and never leave her again.

Although you know you are coming back and she'll be there waiting patiently for you, you always hesitate leaving her. Apart from the fact that you'll feel empty and will be missing her terribly, there are things you just cannot help but imagine in your silly brain. She was and is the only most naturally beautiful woman you've met in your life and she has the most pleasing and friendly personality of all humans in this planet. And those facts alone make your heart wince in pain. There are a lot of men out there who are more capable and better looking than you, and they could easily fall in love with her. The thought of those men make you fearful that she'll eventually slip away from you because sometimes, distance does not make the heart grow fonder. It's not that you do not trust her, it is just that there is a limit to a person's patience. And there are things you should be doing for her and with her, but there are a million and one barriers. And you could only hope and pray for a someday.

You know you will hate yourself for this, but you take one last look at the sleeping Hyejung, you just had to see her before you leave.

“I'll come back soon Hyejung, please wait for me”, you whisper to yourself like you always do before you leave, then slowly disappear into the dusky corridor.

~~~
Hyejung

You slowly turned around in bed crumpling the silk sheet and let out a sigh. You have been awake all night dreading for this very hour to come. It's 5AM, just in time for him to leave again. You ponder in silence how you have been able to endure this ordeal. It's not like he is leaving for good, it's just that your heart aches every time he goes out of the country for days or months to work. Missing him was a terrible thing you have to suffer. Somehow, you tell yourself it's so much worth it when he comes home.

You watch as his retreating back slowly disappears from your view, you bite your lips trying to stop yourself from calling him. You just know that if he looks back at you, you will run to him and never let him go.

It is enough that you know he is coming back and it gives so much happiness to think that he is coming back to you. But when you are alone doing your thing, you could not help but feel the emptiness he has left, and you just start shrinking back to your own world and wallow in pain. He has always made you happy and made you feel loved more than anyone in the world. He was always a man around you. Apart from his boyish looks and enigmatic charm, he was intelligent and capable of being someone great or even greater. And there were a million women on the planet who wants him, and half of them were his age or even younger. Plus the fact, that most of them were equally gorgeous and with prettier S-lines than you. There were even Noonas who might want him for themselves. You shrink back in bed and close your eyes for a second. You could not blame yourself for being insecure because there were things that happened before, but your relationship has been tried and tested, and you know better than to not trust him.

You grab your phone from the bedside table. You know you are going to hate yourself for this, but you send the text message anyway. “Come back soon. Come back to me safe and sound, Mr. Kim”, it simply said.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Hyejung's hand phone vibrated from under the pillow where she tried to hide it.

Mr. Kim calling, the screen kept flashing.

“Hello,” she answered shyly.

“I'm missing you already”, Hyunjoong told her.

“Me, too...”Hyejung whispered

“I'm coming home to you as soon as possible”, he promised.

“I know that....”, she sweetly replied

“Please wait for me.... You know that I love only you, right?”

“I know that, Mr. Kim” she breathed.

They ended the call when the flight attendants announced that they were about to take off.

Hyejung smiled to herself. It was hard being left alone like that, but knowing that Hyunjoong was coming back and thinking of her made her feel alright.

Hyunjoong rested his head on the soft headrest. He let out a big sigh, “She's not going anywhere, she'll be there when I come back”

This was what love has done to them.