One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
author's notes: i am so determined to finish this fic, but i don't know how this is turning out. anyway, suju members were mentioned here originally, but since i am hating on shindong's sexist comments, i had to scrap them and use yunho and micky instead.
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Eight.
They stared at each other, then Hwangbo tried to pull away for the second time, but Hyunjoong could not let her go. "Will you...", he whispered, "dance with me please?"
Hwangbo looked away.
Her hesitation caught Gain's attention, "Dance with Hyunjoong, Unni!", she urged her.
Hwangbo had to give in. Otherwise, everyone would notice the tension between her and Hyunjoong, and that was the last thing she needed right now.
Hyunjoong nervously puts his arms around her thin waist as she wrapped her slender arms around his neck. Hwangbo tried her best to avoid his eyes, so she rested her head on his shoulder. His nearness was making her crazy. And when he slid his fingers on her bare back, his touch seemed to leave burn marks on her skin. It was delightful to feel him so near, but fear started to rise in her heart. The loneliness and uncertainty when he suddenly just left was a prison cell she could not seem to escape from. 'What are you doing? Why are you doing this, Hyejung?', she asked herself.
Hyunjoong was lost in a trance. Having her near was like heaven he had not experienced in a long time. When they started dancing, he realized how much emptiness there was inside and how much he missed her. He was cursing himself for being so indecisive. He held her closer.
Perhaps, a little too close because the next thing he knew, she was pushing him away.
"Excuse me", she muttered walking away from the garden as fast as she can. She could not risk her heart so openly again, like she did a few months ago.
She can still remember the pain she suffered at the start of the year.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
January 2010
The club was fully packed. The smell of cigarette and liquor hung in the air like heavy rain clouds ready to put out the fire. Young hot blooded humans graced the dance floor in their glittery, skimpy outfit and sensually delightful dance moves. It was the start of a new year thus people were out to party and have fun. What better way to start 2010 than to have fun, right? That's exactly what he was trying to do tonight. He spent so much time completely immersed in work that he thought he'd give himself a break tonight. Thank God for popular friends who are constantly throwing parties at private clubs. He smiled as another round of tequila shots was brought by the waiter.
"For a prosperous 2010!!", Hyungjun shouted.
"Cheers!!!", the rest of the idols in your table shouted.
"Let's dance!!!"
Everyone except Hyunjoong stood up and headed towards the dance floor.
The DJ stopped playing the music, and announced something on his mic, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a lovely surprise from our generous host tonight. Thanks by the way for inviting me, Minhosshi. Without further ado, our fearless sexy General and techtonic Goddess...Hwangbo"
The crowd cheered and started chanting her name. Jungmin gave the shocked Hyunjoong a look meant to tease his Hyung. Baby and Kyu didn't mind him, they missed their Noona so badly they even moved towards the front for two reasons, one to get a better view and two for their Noona to see them and know that they are there. Youngsaeng smiled, but he knew better than to taunt the tipsy Hyunjoong.
He sat there, frozen. It's been a long time, it felt like a really long time to him.
"Are you guys feeling alright?", her raspy voice blared on the humongous speakers keeping Hyunjoong from zoning out to We Got Married land and after We Got Married land.
The crowd yelled, "YES!!!"
"Has Go Junpyo passed around the right amount of alcohol for the young kids?", she joked
"No!!!!"
"You hear that right, Junpyo? Where's the Cass beer?" she yelled again as the limelight searched for Minho on the dance floor. "But seriously though, let's all give it up for the F4 leader for inviting us all to his 2010 kickoff party."
The crowd wooted, yelled and cheered for the host of the party.
"Did you guys enjoy your New Year's Eve?" she asked as her dancers joined her on stage..
Another wild YES from the giddy crowd.
"I was at Koobar, but I had one hell of a night!!", she yelled waiting for a signal from the DJ. She readied herself for her 1st song. She looked beautiful as always. There was not a trace of pain or hurt on her face, well not anymore. Somehow, she's mastered a skill that was very important to keep her and her career going. She has two faces now. One that she shows to the multitude, and another that she calls her true self. Now, she was putting on her brave, unaffected face looking as if she was the happiest woman alive.
"Are you guys ready for some techtonic music?", she asked as a familiar tune played. Jungmin went wild when he heard Get Hot's intro and started jumping up and down not caring if he hit anyone as he went after Baby and Kyu.
Hyunjoong just sat there, staring at his ex-fake wife in a glittery gold outfit that he would not have approved. She was as graceful as ever. It was sort of weird how she just fell on his empty plate tonight just when he started to contemplate on the year that was. She had been someone he had to let go because of his weird schedule, busy life and cowardice. Something he painfully regretted.
He watched her intently, her every move, every dance step, every wink at the idol crowd, every movement of her lips, every sway of her sexy hips. He felt himself being drawn back to that old familiar feeling of wanting her, needing her too much he thought he'd go crazy. He was immersed in his thoughts, he did not even notice her set already ended.
Baby, Kyu and Jungmin stuck with her like leaches when she came down from the stage. Giving her bear hugs even in her sweaty state. She was bomabarded with, "Noona, we missed you", "Hyungsonim, you were great", "Daughter-in-law, when are you going to cook for us again?", when she came down. They did not even allow her to take a breather as she was invited to join them on their table which was more like being dragged to the table since her ex fake brothers-in-law would not take no for an answer.
Hyunjoong felt as if he was dreaming. Hwangbo was approaching the table. She was occasionally stopped and greeted by her dongsaengs.
"Noona!!!!!", Yunho and Micky shouted and sandwiched her in a hug.
Hyunjoong raised an eyebrow at the sight. He knew this time it was not a dream because his jealousy was definitely kicking in. If this was not a party, he would have gone mad and gave them a good beating. His patience was about to run out, especially when Chansung and Nickhun approached their Noona and she gave each of them a hug. That's it, he could not take it anymore. He went to the washroom and sprinkled some water on his pretty face.
Hwangbo was expecting Hyunjoong to be there, but he was not. She took a seat instantly and gave a sigh of relief. Seeing him in flesh after their falling out would have been weird.
More drinks were being passed around when someone behind Hwangbo suddenly spoke, "That's my seat", he said in a stern voice.
"Omo", Hwangbo was startled and almost fell down from her seat. Hyunjoong grabbed her arm. Now, they were standing face to face. His arm wrapped around her waist protectively. It was a good thing the rest of the boys were still busy chatting with other celebrities inside the club. Everybody was busy with their own thing, no one actually noticed anything anymore including them.
They were unable to move. Hwangbo's instincts were screaming at her, but her limbs couldn't seem to move. She should have pushed him, but she didn't. She stood there trying her best not to melt in his arms. Yes, she was angry at him for leaving just like that, for not giving her reasons, for making her fall, for making her wait, for making her seem like a love sick puppy, but she missed him too d.amn much that his nearness now makes her forget all the hurt and the pain. And so, she stood there close enough to feel his warmth, to feel his presence, to feel that happiness and love she thought they once had. And for a moment, she thought she was blissful, satisfied to stand with him just like this.
Hyunjoong should have let her go when she found her balance, but he did not. He held on to her never wanting to let her go again. He knew he was stupid enough to leave her back then, and he regretted that more than anything in his life. It was exactly what he wanted, to wrap his arms around her again, just like this, just like now. He did not know how he became so brave to do what he is doing now, but all he knows is that her nearness, her warmth, her intoxicating womanly smell was all he needed to be happy, to be able to love again.
When Hwangbo found the strength to move an inch back, Hyunjoong tightened his hold pulling her even closer. He moved his head forward making their lips touch. Without thinking much, he started kissing her. He knew it was what he wanted, he knew it was what he needed for the longest time.
Everything blurred out when their lips met, and when he pressed forward to kiss her, Hwangbo just closed her eyes, lost in that splendid moment. There weren't any fireworks, but Hwangbo knew at that very moment she was willing to sacrifice herself for a second chance to be with him again.
When she responded to his kisses, a tear escaped Hyunjoong's eye. After all that he did to her, he knew in that instant that there was some hope left to win her back. And, he was willing to prove to the whole world that he was worth it, that he was worthy to be her man. He was ready to prove all her friends wrong, he was ready to tell the Korea's entertainment industry that Kim Hyunjoong was capable of loving and prove that he was man enough for her. He moved his kisses away from her lips to her cheek, tracing her jawline with soft butterfly kisses, then on to the sensitized skin just under her earlobes. He paused there then whispered, "Do you want to come up to my room?"
Hwangbo was alarmed, 'What do you think I am? Some w.hore?, she thought as memories of the hurt he caused her came rushing in. Her heart was crushed once again. She used all the strength she had left to push him away.
At that, Hyunjoong realized his words did not come out right, "That's not what I---"
His explanation came too late. Before he knew it, she was already swaying her arm readying her palm to come across his cheek. Hyunjoong tried to stop her, but she was too fast. He rightfully deserved a slap after all.
"I cannot believe I actually thought you changed. I should have known better.", she choked trying to fight back the tears, "Once a b.astard, always a b.astard, right?"
Hyunjoong was still in shock after her acrimonious slap. What he wanted was a chance to talk and ask for forgiveness somewhere quiet, but his words obviously did not come out right.
Hwangbo left the club in a scurry. She left with more pain and hatred for Hyunjoong than she had before. She left hating herself for being stupid and naïve.
_ _ _ _ _ _
Hyunjoong found her in one of the rooms, talking quietly on the phone.
"Get me out of here. Please, I am begging you, Oppa", she forcefully whispered. Her voice was quivering. It was obvious that she had been crying. "I should not have done this. I should not have done this.", she kept on repeating in between sobs.
Hyunjoong closed his eyes, traces of guilt written all over his face. He was finally beginning to realize just how much he had hurt her.
Hwangbo finally stepped out of the room. She was startled to find Hyunjoong outside. He looked her deep in the eyes.
"Can we talk?", he asked.
"No, there's no need for that anymore.", she answered walking to the PD's room then slamming the door shut. After a few minutes, she emerged. She rolled her eyes when she saw him squatting on the floor beside the door.
"Please Hyejung, we need to talk.", Hyunjoong begged like he has never begged in his life.
Hwangbo scoffed at his request. She limped her way to her bedroom, but he was persistent. Hyunjoong blocked her from entering. Hwangbo was surprised at his actions, but she eventually pushed him inside when she noticed people coming inside the villa. The last thing she needed right now was for people to start speculating about their relationship. She closed the door behind her.
"Are you crazy? What are you trying to do?", she whispered, her brows crossed and her cheeks turning red in anger.
"I just want us to talk. We did not get that chance the last time we saw each other--", he shrugged.
"Because the last time we met, you asked me to go with you to your bedroom.", she winced as she settled herself to one of the couches. "If you have not noticed yet, I am not that kind of girl."
The look on her face was fierce, but there were obvious traces of pain and hurt.
"I'm sorry, but last time, at the club, that was not what I meant to say. It all came out wrong--", he looked at the floor, ashamed that even in words he could not express what it was that he felt for her.
"Oh, well", she sighed, "What's done is done. You cannot take back the things you said or did. I do not need to hear your explanation", she said bluntly.
But her words angered Hyunjoong, in three long strides he was in front of Hwangbo, "Yes, there is!", he told her, "There is a need for you to hear my explanation"
"Why?", she asked him in a harsh tone.
"Because I was an indignant fool", he lowered his head. Shame and embarrassment evident in his tone. "Because I was stupid and foolish for running away. Because I was stupid for saying those things at the bar. Because I am blockheaded since I only realized now how much I hurt you. Because I am crazy for thinking that I only loved you because I need you when in fact I need you most because I love you. I ---", there was a long pause, then he looked at her, "I want you. I need you. I love you", his voice was hoarse and his face was tense.
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