Jaded

The nosy, kill joy, anti social people in the office should be banned from all social networking sites!! Grr!! Now, I have no access to Twitter, Facebook, Chatango, h.ell even the Shoutmix in my blog!! It's not like it's affecting our work!!! But oh well, here.. Some jabberwocky--a diversion for me and my deep loathing for that busybody!!

THIS ONE SUCKS!! BELIEVE ME!!
~*~

In a matter of minutes, twilight will come. Soon the cold darkness will engulf this city. But soon streets will come alive with the glow of man made lights.

It had been raining for days and days now. Although the lightning and thunders have stopped, the rain continued to shower without signs of stopping nor hints of slowing down.

He sat on the couch that faced the tall glass windows overlooking the city. Buses, trains, cars, people, buildings, houses are all he sees. From where he sat, it all seemed like he did not exist. From where he was, it seemed like he was a million light years away from the rest of the world. It seemed like he was disconnected from it all.

The rain continued to pour, and he continued to submerge himself neck deep in melancholy and reverie. There was a certain peace in his new found loneliness. His dim, cold apartment was like a deserted island within the busy city of Seoul. The peace and happiness he found in Cebu seemed to fleet as quickly as a bullet train because when he came back to Seoul, he realized he was back to reality-no more blinding morning sun, no more mango juice, no more chicken served with rice, no more morning swim, no more island hopping, no more basking in the sun like a little boy. When he stepped on Korea's soil, he knew there was a reality and a news-hungry mob he had to face alone. It was not an easy decision to make, but he had to step up, put himself on the line, and rise above all adversities

He stood up, walked towards the glass windows. He touched the cold surface, wrote his name, and watched as the moisture and droplets slowly erase the markings, slowly erasing his name. His whole body shivered just thinking about it. He loved his job, but he knew it won't last forever, that he won't be Kim Hyunjoong forever, and soon, he would fade away as every star will soon lose it's light.

He touched the glass again. SS501, he wrote. They were his brothers, and it hurt him that it had to be this way. He never really wanted to let go of them. They've been through it all and they stuck together, and helped each other overcome every hardship and celebrate every triumph. He was willing to do almost everything for them-he got married to save the group from extinction and boost their popularity, and this decision he just made was for them, too.

Attacks on him had been harsher than what he had prepared for. They said he had become greedy for thinking only of himself. They said it was his fault that's why Double S was in the verge of breaking up. They said he was a monster for fame and money. Sometimes, he asks himself, are they really fans? Because at this time and point in his life, it did not seem like they were. And, that disheartens him. It was like fighting a battle that he had already lost.

As he stared blankly ahead at the gray, heavy clouds, a name popped inside his head. How she endured their attacks, he will never know. He wrote her name on the glass, there was a certain warmth and grace in her name that made him smile-a first for the day. Somehow, she gave him reassurance. It made him feel like despite all these, there was a home he could go back to.

~

The silence in the hallway was deafening, the only sound that seemed to echo and bounced on the white walls was the sound of her labored breathing and the rapid beating of her heart.

She ran seven flights of stairs, and her leg muscles tightened, like she was about to have cramps. She pulled the beanie that Brian gave her from her head, and shook off the water droplets on her trench coat.

She reached for the key in her pocket and twisted the knob. She slipped inside quietly.

Her heart was sent crashing to the floor, shattering it to a million pieces when she saw his back.

From where she stood, she could see his pain and distress. She walked towards him. She knew there was not much she could do to alleviate the pain and the hardships he was going through. She wished she could take half of his pain, but their life was no movie nor was it a fairy tale.

~

He felt someone hug him from behind, he could feel her hart pounding. He smiled. The warmth she provided him was like the sudden burst of sunshine after the cold, harsh rains.

“Hey, you!”, he whispered. He untangled her arms from his upper body and tuned around to face her.

He smiled at her, “You're drenched!”

He looked deep into her eyes that were filled with worry. He looked away, then started to walk. “Lemme get you a towel..”, he said.

“I'm fine... Just lemme catch my breath and don't let Yongjun Oppa catch me here.. ”, she laughed. They had been warned by Bae Yongjun to stay away from each other until the netizens and anti fans keep quiet. It was bad enough that Hyunjoong was being grilled, if they were seen together, Hyejung might be blamed for everything even if she has nothing to do with anything that's going on.

She grabbed his arm, “But, are you? Are you okay Hyunjoong?”

He turned to look at her, he raised his hand to wipe the water that trailed from her wet hair to her forehead. He looked into her cat-like eyes and wished he was lost in it forever. Somehow, her being here made him feel safe and secure. No matter how deep the wounds the rest of the world was causing him, it did not matter anymore.

She wrinkled her nose, suddenly conscious as his gaze wandered on every corner of her face.

He pulled her closer and imprisoned her in his tight embrace. She seemed so small and fragile against him. 'How was this woman able to endure the anti fans?', he wondered.

'They must have hurt her so badly', he thought. And for that he was sorry because he caused her pain, because the anti fans must have done the same things to her.

“Are you okay?”, she asked again, worried.

He let out a deep sigh, “Mianhe...”

“What for?”, she pulled away from his tight embrace.

“Just because..”, he answered, admiring her strength to have endured it all. Hyunjoong realized how much he needed her because he loved her so much. “Stay with me always Hyejung, please?”

She watched him curiously, “Of course! Where do you think I'd wander off to?”

She snuggled inside his embrace again. He could breath easy now. Everything is going to be alright, he was jaded no more.