I was yapping about this in Twitter, it was freakingly disturbing for me to have a dream like this.
This is so unlike the giddy Yunho+Heechul dream I posted a few years back..
It is for me a horrendous experience. Maybe Arirang+MTV China (Ella was super cute in that MTV I saw, by the way)+No Sleep Saturday+Margaritas+Epic Fail Barbecue Buffet caused this.
I'll just give you a summary of my so-called nightmare because having to give you a blow-by-blow story would mean I have to re-live that ordeal.
I don't know how I got there or why.. All I know is that I found myself seated in a cafe with a friend.
In front of us was a Korean woman. She was probably in her mid 30s. And we were talking (yes, ENGLISH!) I was completely drawn to her. She was very nice and down to earth and humble. And, she had a quirky sense of humor. Physically, she was a typical Korean, but she had darker complexion. She wore simple clothes (like the usual office attire--white blouse and square pants.. Nothing that says Fashionista). She had some make-up but it did not really hide her age.
We were talking and laughing. She had a bright, sunny yellow aura that made me admire her. She smiled a lot, too.
We were in the middle of a conversation when a guy came in and took the seat beside her. He kissed her.. On the lips.. In front of us!! He then murmured an apology about getting lost on the way to the loo. The woman smiled at him and said it was okay, and that there were people who kept her company anyway. She introduced us to her boyfriend.
When the guy faced us, I froze. My smile completely faded. How can it be that the guy in front of me was him? Gah! It couldn't be him. I mean he was Mr. Big Shot, he was a Hallyu star for Chrissake!
It was until my friend confirmed who he was when it started to sink in. He was Kim Hyun Joong.
Although it was obvious what he was doing there, I was in denial. It couldn't be 'THEM', right? I mean it's 2012 and I am supposed to be waiting for that day when my OTP becomes 'Buin and Shillang' for real. My heart broke and it felt like my tears were about to burst. My heart hurt so bad for Hwangbo. It almost felt like I was the one facing the person I loved the most--not that it was proved that there is or was a 'Ssangchu' apart from what we saw in WGM.
That was too much information poured over me right there. But my friend being the great inquisitor and totally ignorant of how I was feeling at that moment, kept pressing them on. She even looked very excited, like some papparazzi when new gossip was served in silver platter.
They shyly admitted to a 2 year old secret relationship. They blushed talking about it. He said he came to Cebu after his event in Manila to be with her back in 2010. He said she makes her happy. He said she makes him a better person. He said she makes her learn to love unselfishly. He said his heart beats abnormally around her. And after all these admissions, his blush has become a deep shade of red. His blush, his smile, the spark in his eyes screams hopelessly in love.
Shit!! I mean, (*&*(^*&^%$%&(_ SHIT, right?! I looked at the woman beside him, how can he replace MY UNNIE with a woman older than her, simpler than her, obviously not even half as pretty as her? But then I realized, those were not the things that devastated me most. What made me feel like the heavens were falling on my head was the Love I see in his eyes. He looked at her and there was a spark in his eyes. He held her hand and there was a smile so real, so true, so honest, so in love.
I remember clenching my teeth, trying to stop myself from standing up and shouting "OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.."
I remember trying to count from 1 through 100 just to calm myself down.
Once I got a grip of myself, I tried listening in again on what they were saying.
I think my friend asked something like was he not busy, what was he doing in Cebu..
He put on a cheeky smile, "I came to surprise her, but instead, I was the one who was surprised."
"Eh?", my friend asked.
"I arrived early this morning to surprise her for our anniversary.." he explained.
I smirked, 'It's Ssangchu's 4th year anniversary..'
His lady-love smiled shyly, "I told him.."
"I'm gonna be a Daddy in 6 and a half months..", he added. Excited. Happy. Ecstatic.
I, on the other hand, felt like I could not breathe. All those dreaming and imagining how perfect my OTP would be together, shattered. I mean, bullshit, right?!
What made me feel so much worse was that the woman, although not pretty, she was too damn nice to hate! She was impossible to hate. She was not perfect, but she was perfect for him.
They were happy!
And how can you deprive someone of that happiness? I have admitted time and again, that I AM NOT A KIM HYUN JOONG FAN!! I was supposed to be hating on him in that situation. I was supposed to be throwing rocks at him, cursing him, accusing him of whatever, pulling out his hairs, calling him names. But being the 'rational' and 'open-minded' girl that I am, I started thinking. Who am I to deprive or hate or even question a person when you can see the love radiating in his smile, in his eyes, in his face? Who am I to tell him he made the wrong choice when you can feel his joy, his happiness; when his joy and happiness has become infectious?
Then I thought, if it were HwangBo in that same situation, and she fell in love with another man, my reaction would be different. I would be ever accepting and supportive. I would be happy for her and I would probably be the first to bless her (even if she would not need my blessings).
I was in a sea of raging emotions and opinions. My heart cracked but my brain told me to (wo)man it up, accept it and just be happy for them.
I grew angry but not at him, not at the person who grabbed his heart. I was angry at the 'what could have been' if only he fell in love with my Unnie instead of that woman beside him.
Good thing, I woke up. Good thing, my friend who came to the resort with me was sleeping ever so deeply, because I was not sure if I started talking or if I cried in my sleep.
Gah!! Up to this day, I still remember just how raw the pain and emotions were.
I am not sure if you guys would be as, say, disturbed or bothered with such dreams. You know the feeling when you're so helpless? I am not a rude fan and I mostly respect opinions and accept decisions. I felt like I could have done something, I could have said something, but what was it that I could have done to make him change his decision? What was it that I could have said to make him realize he made the wrong decision? Most importantly, who am I to say he made the wrong choice?
But it's all just a dream (more like a nightmare really). I woke up feeling really bad and disturbed. See, how crazy this fandom has made me?? Ahck! And why am I so affected?
I must have some loose screws up in my head..
And, I'm only sharing because they said if I keep dreams/nightmares to myself they would come true. I would not want that to happen EVER.. I still believe in my OTP's happy ending. And, I want them to be happy whichever path they choose, but 95% of me want them to end up together..
So, am I crazy for letting this stupid drive me nuts over Easter Sunday? Because I would tell myself: YES BRU, YOU HAVE GONE MAD!!! I guess you can go ahead and blame it on the Margarita..
NOW, GO READ THE TWO OTHER FICS!! :)